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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Note To Self

Hey everybody, what's the status on time machines?  Anyone heard anything?

I mean, were we not promised time machines in The Future?  Because (checks watch), some time has passed since those sciency engineer types started tossing around predictions of flying cars and Rube Goldberg machines that dump us out of our beds into our clothes while making us breakfast, which technically makes this The Future, yet here I am still driving my car around while it's touching the ground, like some kind of a stone age chump.

In truth, I don't really care if we have flying cars; piloting a hovercraft would just mean I'd have to run into  people I don't like instead of running over  them, which frankly sounds more like a downgrade than an advancement (no offense, Science).  But I would  appreciate the time machine, because (speaking of people who need to be smacked) I have some choice words to share with my teenaged self.

Luckily, I don't have to bust out my old chemistry set and cobble together a flux capacitor in my garage, which was going to be tough because I'm nearly out of plutonium.  That's because Delilah, at Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama, has graciously invited me to join her summer guest post series!  Every Wednesday she's letting a Guest Poster (seems like the wrong term) write a letter to their teenaged self (seems like bad grammar) and shout it from the rooftop of her blog (seems like a bad metaphor).

Anyway, the point is that I've penned a little note to the Me that I was at about age 16, circa 1992, back in the days when I thought I pretty much knew everything, yet ironically had pretty much no self esteem.
What good is knowing everything if you can't even strut around feeling like the Queen of the Universe?
We'll get to all that and more in my Letter to Teenage Me - please take a minute to click over and check it out.  I hope Teenage Me heads over there, even though I doubt she'll listen, and I hope I can find a way to tell her she's not as bad as she thinks is is while still driving home the point that she's an absolute idiot.


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Gah, shut up, Teenaged Me.  Who let you in here?
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15 comments:

  1. Shoulder pads. Why do they exist? I think the world would be an okay place if they never did!

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    1. Well, to be fair, we did need something tall and cushiony to help support our dangly earrings... :)

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  2. What an excellent idea - a note to my teenage self! I think that I shall do that very thing in the near future as a post! Always on the lookout for ideas! And you were 16 in '92? Oy - I feel old.

    Speaking of shoulder pads, at least by the 90's they were starting to deflate some. They were all the rage in the 80's (my decade) and those puppies were so tall they could double as earmuffs, or airbags in the event of a crash - and we all looked like we could be ready to take down the quarterback at any given moment. Crazy stuff!!!

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    1. Earmuffs - ha! That's true, they were deflating by the 90s - either that or they were the same pads but the packing foam inside them was starting to deteriorate after 10 years. I remember the 80s shoulder pads well; they certainly helped support the epaulets on the shoulders of those nautical-themed jackets with brass buttons. No, just me?

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  3. OMG, the fem-mullet just about laid me out...I had a VERY similar picture when I was 12...so bad, even my MOM couldn't find anything positive to say about it. Glasses were the same...hair was about the same...only I had a mouthful of SERIOUSLY messed up teeth (THANK YOU wonder of orthodontia!)

    Glad your 16 YO you made it. Even without a flux capacitor...Oh, I heard someplace that they might be bringing back the Delorian. I'm not super sure why, but I'm sure I read it someplace...

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    1. They'll bring ANYTHING back, as long as enough time has passed for somebody to think it's retro - neon shoelaces, friendship bracelets, and studded belts, I'm looking at you.

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  4. They only stopped making that car because DeLorean almost went to prison for trafficking copious amounts of cocaine. Wah wahhhh. The design is still pretty fly. I wonder why we think time travel to the past might some day be possible, since if it were we would know about it... because someone from the future would have already come back and told us all about it. Don't think too hard about that, because it's a paradox. Or a pun. Or a palindrome. Or something. And the mullet pic? That's just your Eighties membership card.

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    1. Your comment just gave me a headache. And sadness because I DID think about it longer than I should have and now I know we will never have time travel made commercially available.

      I'm still holding out for the hovercraft, though.

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    2. They DO visit from the future, but then they wipe our memories. They're kind of sloppy about it, though, which is why I also can't remember my third grade teacher's name or whether or not we're out of mustard when I'm at the store.

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  5. I'm saying this with all seriousness - the genius who is Joss Whedon gave Buffy the Vampire Banger SLAYER the best line ever to describe your ( and my and a gazillion other ) teenaged self 'You have an inferiority complex about your superiority complex'

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    1. Oooh, that's a good one! Yup, that pretty much sums it up. :)

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  6. Dropping by from bloggers to tell you that I love you! Ha-ha. Not in a stalker way..I could completely relate to your letter to your teenaged self. Of course, I'm a bit older, so I would have begged her never to wear neon headbands with ripped sweatshirts and stonewashed jeans, but that's neither here nor there. Glad to find your blog.

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    1. Thank you so much - that makes me so smiley! And not to worry, I wore more than my fair share of neon and ripped sweatshirts (thanks a lot, Flashdance), too. :)

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  7. Oh, if only I could have convinced my teenage self that high school was insignificant...
    Great letter and what a fun idea!

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    1. Yeah, my teenage self never would have believed it, despite how obvious it seems (now)...

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