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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I'm Going To Die

It's true, I am going to die.

Someday,  I mean.

Hopefully not soon.

This morbid thought is brought to you by a very cool, non-morbid Listicles prompt from Stasha at The Good Life.  In memory of Nora Ephron, who recently passed and had published lists of what she would miss and what she wouldn't, today we're doing the same.


In traditional Listicles style I'll limit myself to 10 items per topic, but please note that these are in no particular order, and some pretty obvious items were omitted (lest you think I'm not going to miss really important stuff, like the baby or wine, or that I am  going to miss the taste of envelope glue and HeadOn commercials, just because they're not mentioned specifically below - because, come on, you know  how I feel about wine).


What I'm Going To Miss
  1. Texting stupid stuff to Gerry while we're sitting next to each other on the couch, and waiting to hear him laugh
  2. Taking walks with my mom, during which we discreetly peer through our neighbors' windows and talk about what we'd do differently with the landscaping even though neither one of us does anything with our own landscaping
  3. Cool, crisp, clean sheets (that were washed, line-dried in the sun, and changed by somebody else)
  4. Inappropriate giggling
  5. Drumstick sundae cones
  6. Getting honey and raspberries at the French Market with the kids and eating them on a bench swing overlooking the river (I know, that probably counts as three or four things, BUT WHO'S COUNTING?)
  7. Sleeping with the windows open, listening to the crickets and the warm breeze rustling the leaves
  8. The cozy alliance of an inside joke
  9. Autumn
  10. The unique blend of satisfaction and exhaustion you feel during the drive home after spending a day at the beach

What I'm Not Going To Miss
  1. People who drive 2 miles per hour under the speed limit in non-passing zones
  2. Scrubbing the bathtub - honestly, I'd rather clean the toilet.  I know - the germs! - but it's so much smaller  than the tub.
  3. Blisters
  4. Navigating the gauntlet of automated options before you get to a person on the phone
  5. Stomach flu
  6. Facebook (That's right, facebook - you made it into my top 10.  If only you cared.)
  7. Dressing room mirrors
  8. Introductory rates
  9. Worrying about why all my hair is falling out
  10. The combination of wanting to smack a stranger who, arguably, really needs a good smacking, but knowing that I'll just end up cutting them the side eyes and seething about it until all the stress hormones erode another ten minutes off my life

Seriously? You're not going to mention me?
I thought you were joking.


1 click below = 1 vote = 1 promise not to peek in your windows
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


47 comments:

  1. Holla, my inappropriate giggling counterpart. I love your lists :)

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    1. Thanks - love yours too (gigglegiggle)! :)

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  2. Your No. 4 and 7 of things you will miss would TOTALLY top my list, especially No. 7. That's one of my favorite things about summer (that these stupid 100 degree temps are THWARTING due to the necessity for AC. Add that to my "things I won't miss" list.)

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    1. No kidding - it was pretty sad that I dragged the kids out to the playground yesterday because it had "cooled way down" to 85. I almost had to wear a sweater. Actually we hardly noticed the heat, as we were far too busy running for our lives from the gigantic wasps that've taken over the neighborhood.

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    2. stupid barn wasps. they really are huge. like 2 inches long, and they carry shivs.

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    3. No doubt, and then the kids would stop to point them out, frozen in horror, so I had to keep screaming over my shoulder, "RUN!" But most of the time they were too far back to hear me.

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  3. Totally (inappropriately?)giggling. The picture at the end just iced it. So good. And I totally agree about the beach: best feeling ever! Ellen

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    1. Thanks! I looove that happy, worn-out beach feeling - especially when it comes with the sensation that you're still rocking in the waves because you were in the water for so long. Hmmm.... :)

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  4. FACEBOOK CARES!!! FACEBOOK C A R E S!!!!!! Besides...I just found you, so you CAN'T die. I forbid it.

    Because I'm your stalker and you have to do what I say. So there.

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    1. Okay then, it's settled. I'll stay alive. No thanks to facebook, though. ;)

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  5. Thank you. Finally someone who'd rather clean the toilet than the tub. Seriously, I hate scrubbing that thing. Especially since I always quit after I hit the third layer of dirt. Also, I'll second the Sunday Cones and raise you eating chocolate fudge topping out of the jar with your hands.

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    1. I'm not even sure there's still tub under our soapscum. If there IS anything under there, it's because our hard water gradually eroded it and replaced the tub with a bathtub-shaped mineral deposit fossil.

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    2. i love that. it's probably true. stupid tub.

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  6. Fabulous lists! Just the mention of the French Market reminds me how much I would miss fresh hot beignets (I miss them now as I am no longer in the south but at least I know where they are)

    I'm with you, Facebook should die first.

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    1. It's funny you should say that; I left a lot of things off my list that I already miss because I don't have them anymore or I don't have access to them. There's a surprising amount of comfort in just knowing those things are out there, somewhere, and you could have them if you really wanted to track them down. :)

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  7. The cozy alliance of an inside joke. I love that:)

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  8. Oh ho I love this list. Truly. The cozy alliance of the inside joke-perfection!
    And the baby photo- cuuuuuuuute!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Stasha - and thanks, as always, for hosting!

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  9. wonderful list! I am a huge fan of inappropriate giggling. Also while you and your mom check out ppl's landscaping i try to check out their interior decorating skills--while doing little with my own house.

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    1. Thanks! In truth we're mainly trying to scope the interiors, too, but can usually only see random lamps and ceiling fans. :)

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  10. Love it. I so agree with everything on your lists. They could also be on mine.

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    1. Thanks - who doesn't love a sundae cone, right? And thanks for commenting :)

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  11. Ah, yes, inappropriate giggling. I have a horrible habit of finding people falling to be hilarious, which creates for plenty of inappropriate giggling.

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    1. I'll totally inappropriately giggle with you the next time somebody falls down in front of us - because it's not our fault it's funny!

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    2. Then you two would have laughed your butts off at me when I went down like a sack of bricks on my Anniversary Date the other day. However, someone needs to be on FB to read the details. I'm just saying. FB is goooooooooooood!

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    3. Hahahaa!!! I don't care how good fb is, nothing would've been as good as seeing that in person! :)

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  12. I hear ya on the dressing room thing...On another note, I tagged you for the Liebster blog award: http://strollerparkingonly.blogspot.ca/2012/07/liebster-bloggy-love.html
    Yay you! :)
    -Laura

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    1. Well thanks so much! Aren't you just too sweet??? :)

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  13. I knew I was going to love your lists at the mention of "envelope glue" AND wine!!! Haaalloo!

    Great lists and couldn't have picked a better pic!

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  14. Okay, so I feel for you on #9 with the hair falling out, but am so glad to know I'm not alone...and yes, give it up for the crisp clean sheets!

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    1. Seriously?!? I mean it, I'm sorry about your hair, but I'm pretty relieved to hear I'm not alone here. :)

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  15. I absolutely love your list! My favorite so far!! I text stupid stuff to Irishman while in the same room all the time. Sometimes I'll text him while we are laying in bed (he likes to watch tv and I play on my phone).

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    1. Thanks! Is there anything better than stifling your own laughter while you're waiting for him to get your text? I usually start snickering as soon as I hear his phone beep. :)

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  16. The only thing that can ruin our day at the beach...getting behind that slow driver on the one lane road going 5 MPH!
    I love that photo at the end! Great list!

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  17. I always have comments to make about your post, but then I read the comments before I post mine, and I have so many comments to make to the comments that I forget what I was going to comment on to begin with. So, here is my comment, and then I'm going back through and comment on the comments.

    I love you. And you're not going to die. "I promise I will never die." I'd like to know which of your readers knows where that quote comes from, because they will shoot right to the top of my own list of "favorite readers of my wife's blog who may or may not know I exist and most certainly don't care if they're on my list of favorite readers of my wife's blog."

    So, you will not die because I will not allow it. We'll go frozen until they've cured old age, bone-itis, and every other little thing. See you in the Futurama, baby. Woohoo!!!

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    1. ilu2. And I will also give big fat bonus points to anyone who can place that quote and will admit it it, as it would display a near critical level of immaturity, not unlike our own. While we're at it, we should grant them some of that fake immortality you were talking about and maybe even throw in the cure for bone-itis. Now, shhhhhh ::smashes finger onto face::

      (P.S. thanks for so many #8s on that first list, even though they're soooo annoying to other people) :)

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  18. I'd rather clean the toilet than the bathtub, too. Let me clarify: I'd rather clean MY toilet than MY bathtub. I don't want anyone thinking I'd rather clean a gas station toilet or something.

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    1. That truly is a fairly important distinction. I don't think ANYONE wants to clean a gas station toilet, which is probably why they're never clean.

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  19. My hair is falling out too! Drives me nuts in the shower... I love your lists, I think I need to make my own too!

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    1. I hear you, it's like I build my own Ewok every time I shower. :P

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  20. I'm realizing that I've read a lot more of your posts than I've commented on. I guess I've turned into the quiet stalker type in my school craziness. I make really good comments in my head and it's the thought that counts, right?

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    1. See? I told you I make better comments in my head. (That one didn't say a thing about your post.) My favorite part of your list? "The cozy alliance of an inside joke." But then I'm the person who tries to tell everyone the inside joke and I reveal how weird I am and then I wish I hadn't told anyone about my inside joke and just kept it an inside joke.

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    2. I give you an official pass on being a quiet stalker - I couldn't live with myself for distracting you from homework. ;)

      I'm the same way with inside jokes - it's like trying to explain a "really weird" dream, which just ends up sounding like all dreams (really weird). Nobody else ever gets it, and then you just end up saying, "I guess you had to be there" and feeling dumb.

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