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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Monday, July 23, 2012

First Impressions

Well, I've figured out my plan for retirement.
Yes - finally.
It happened while I was reviewing a few photos (out of the 1,224 I took in June) (I'm not even kidding) (hi, my name is Robyn and I'm a photoholic) (I also overuse parentheses) and I noticed that Maddie makes a lot of faces.

Okay, it would've been impossible not to have noticed that already, but I did notice for the first time that some of her expressions resemble famous people.

Naturally, I can only assume that she's doing this on purpose in preparation for her career as a world-renowned (and wealthy - let's not forget wealthy!) impressionist.

Please don't trouble me with details, like the fact that none of us can think of a single Celebrity Impersonator who's rich enough to support her mom in the lavish, decadent retirement lifestyle to which I hope to become accustomed.  I just opened my 401k statement and I need to dream.

So here are some examples - you tell me if I'm crazy, or if I need to start (lovingly) forcing her to practice 23 hours per day in a rabid, overbearing, Toddlers & Tiaras-Mom kind of way.

Robert DeNiro

I know what you're thinking.
What crying baby  doesn't look like DeNiro?
Fair enough, but when I teach her how to say, "Are you talkin' to me?" that junk's gonna be entertainment GOLD.

Katie Holmes

Here, Maddie totally nails Katie's trademark smirk.  Let's hope she doesn't also copy Katie's marriage to a alien-worshiping weirdo or her unrelenting attempts to give her kid stiletto-induced hammer toes by age 8.

P.S. Katie, totally joking!  You go girl, and whatnot!

But that smirk does drive me crazy.

Marlon Brando

She's gonna give you an offer you can't refuse, all right, and that's an offer to change her diaper before she falls asleep in a stinky heap on your lap.

Walter Matthau

This impression is almost certain to inspire a Hollywood remake of some kind, maybe a hybrid of Grumpy Old Men  and Look Who's Talking.   They can call it anything except for Look Who's Grumpy,  which I've already copyrighted for the title of my memoir.

Renee Zellweger

A guy behind the counter at a Greek restaurant once told me I look exactly like Renee Zellweger.  When my friend asked him if he was extremely nearsighted or possibly high on crack, he specified that he meant we only looked alike in the eyes,  which caused me to laugh so hard I sprained a muscle in my back.

That has nothing to do with this photo, I just wanted to let that guy know, in case he's reading this blog (which, by my calculations, is about as likely as Renee calling me up to ask for beauty tips), that he's still suspected of being a nearsighted crack addict in certain circles.

Jack Nicholson

Holy crow, did you realize Jack Nicholson is 75 years old?  Yikes.

That's all I got.  I can't come up with anything funny to say about Jack Nicholson, due to the fact that he's scared the crap out of me ever since I saw The Shining.   I'm not even 100% comfortable with Maddie's picture being so close to his, because you can't be sure he won't bust through the border between them and go all crazy-faced "Here's Johnny" at any moment.  I mean, sane  people could probably be sure, but I can't.

Sean Connery

I know she doesn't look a lot like Sean Connery, or at least she won't until her beard fills in, but I had to include him just because I so often hear his parodied voice in my head saying, "I'll take Months That Start With Feb, Trebek," or "I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier," or "I'll take 'Swords' for $400," and it makes me laugh, although I'm aware there's a possibility that you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about because only four people have watched Saturday Night Live in the past 20 years, which is okay because that's what the links are for.  I am also aware that the person who says those lines on SNL isn't even Sean Connery, but I never said my life was based in reality (see above).

Al Einstein

A lot of parents think their kids are pretty smart, but it couldn't hurt to also look the part.  When Maddie shows up for her first day of kindergarten looking just like Einstein, it's sure to set her off on the path to educational excellence - I'm talking about the kind of educational excellence that might lead to a decent back-up career if (IF!) this impressionist thing doesn't work out.  But I'm pretty sure it will.

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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


46 comments:

  1. I am absolutely dying over here. That is just pure awesome!
    And she does not look a whole lot like Sean Connery - only in the eyes ;)

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    1. Thanks, and thanks for sharing the post! :) I think she's going to need bushier eyebrows before we can really take the Connery act on the road, don't you?

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  2. Destined. For. Lucrative. Greatness!

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  3. She's gonna be a golfer. And you look much more like Katie than Renee (thank god) (no offense, Renee) (I seem to have caught your parenthetical disorder). Also, Maddie totally got her Katie Smirk from you. And you know it. :D or should I say :/

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    1. Oh yeah, I forgot about the golfing career you had planned for her. Well, this way she'll have options.

      lol at your :/ - Katie's signature emoticon!

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  4. SNL Celebrity Jeopardy is the best. thing. ever. Suck it, Trebek.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, and yes - as a matter of fact, I probably say, "Suck it, Trebek" on a daily basis, which come to think of it probably isn't all that normal.

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  5. Sean Connery in SNL celebrity jeopardy was classic. I bet Maddie could do as well in that game as he did.
    Your baby is destined for greatness!

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    1. Totally, and I bet you're right - she wore gummy bracelets on her feet as shoes this morning, so she's at least as smart as he is.

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  6. I just realized that I copies Ninja Mom. Ah, great minds and then there's me...

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    1. Hey, I'm not gonna argue people out of touting my kid's ability to become rich and support me in my old age - so keep it up!

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  7. Way too funny! I am following you back...us moms need to stick together!
    Iva
    One Chic Mom
    http://fabmom12.blogspot.ca/2012/

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    Replies
    1. I agree! :) Thanks - so glad to see you here!

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  8. Hahaha that's great!Stopping by from the MMM blog hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama !
    http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awesome - thanks for being here! :D

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  9. Thanks for stopping by Naptime Review. I am returning the follow. I am your 100th! Congrats!

    julie Naptime

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! That's a big milestone for me, so extra thanks for being here and joining up! :)

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  10. Omgosh! They are too funny! Love the Jack Nicholson one!

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    1. Thanks! The Jack one will only get better with age, since (with her genes) she's almost certainly going to need glasses before too long. :)

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  11. Hey, I totally got the SNL references. I sometimes call Ryder Turd Ferguson because, well, it's a funny name. Please tell me you saw that one so I don't sound completely crazy!

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    1. Glad you were with me on that one - and of COURSE Turd Ferguson is a funny name (although, arguably, Burt Reynolds is sort of funny too).

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  12. oh my..how funny!! love this post!!!

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  13. She's a dead ringer for Renee Zellweger and Walter Matthau. This had me cracking up.

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    1. Right? Those two have some explaining to do - like how they got in my uterus and made a kid, for starters.

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  14. Wow, this might be the funniest post of yours I've ever read. Hilarious and spot on!

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  15. I love it! I just made my husband look at it, too, which I only do with the funniest posts I read :)

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    1. Aww, that makes me smile - Gerry and I are the same way. :) Thanks a bunch - I feel honored to have been passed around (wait, that didn't come out right)...

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  16. Oh my, so funny! What an expressive child. We all have many faces, don't we?!

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    1. We sure do! But I can't wait to see if she keeps up these expressions long enough to become a street performer. ;)

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  17. What a great post and use of those photos you just want to share but hmmm this was classic and I think after all these comments you will need to have Maddie brush up on math skills and recount us SNL fans because i am pretty sure there is more then four (i'm just saying to avoid having Andy coming by with a box for you) cuz I am pretty sure I count for two!! (oh and tell andy to bring Justin my way)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You're right, SNL is a lot more popular than I thought!

      When people come to my door carrying boxes I turn off the lights and hide so I don't have to interact with them or refuse to buy their magazine subscriptions, but I'll leave a note on my door for Justin telling him to head your way, in case he stops by. :)

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  18. THIS was incredible! How long did it take you to find these celebrity matches to that precious face? Wow!!!

    My fave: Albert Einstein

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    1. Ack, it probably took nearly forever, but it didn't seem like very long because it was pretty fun, except for the hours of my life I'll never get back that were spent screaming at PicMonkey that I already DO have the updated version of Adobe Whateveryacallit, so just open already so I can make my collages!!!!

      Whew, sorry about that... I think Einstein is my favorite, too. :)

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  19. You know how I know that you have too much time on your hands??????
    Hee hee.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I know, this post is basically an invitation for Child Protective Services to investigate my neglect.

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  20. Hey, at least she's got the Katie Holmes smirk and not the Dick Cheney smirk.

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    1. HA! YES, thank goodness for that... heh heh... ::deletes some pictures::

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  21. Hi, I'm Shar!
    Your newest follower from the blog hop!

    Great post! I love the Marlon Brando and Sean Connery pics!

    xoxo ♥ -Shar
    http://sharmartinez.blogspot.com

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  22. That's funny that you put the Albert Einstein one in there. My two year old daughter happens to have Einsteins hair. I mean it looks exactly like his crazy hair except blond. So we decided that she is going to go as him for Halloween this year. Not joking.

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    1. That is completely awesome. Please tell me you're getting her a big, bushy stick-on 'stache. And please post pictures at Halloween - I need to see this!

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  23. Oh, I freaking love the Walter Matthau one!

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