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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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You're Grounded (from yogurt)

My kids often go over to my mom's house for a while after school, because for some reason going to Gran's house to eat snacks and watch TV is way  more exciting than doing the same exact thing right here.

Plus, just in case they get it in their crazy heads that they do want to stay home, I've strategically trained the baby to freak out and demand a nap on command.  That way I have an excuse to need peace and quiet right around 3:30.
In case you want to implement a similar plan at your house, the Take A Nap command I give to the baby consists of me tearing out large clumps of my hair and begging her to sleep.  Then she goes ahead and does whatever she wants.  It's not a particularly effective plan, really.
One day last week, my mom brought the kids back home and Zoe immediately went in her room to lie down.  The report was that Zoe had repeatedly asked permission to mix two different flavors of yogurt together, despite my mom's repeated warnings that it would be gross.

But Zoe can be very persistent.  She also tends toward the dramatic.  She also has no verbal filter, even when it would be in her own best interests to shut her yapper.

So of course she went ahead and mixed the two yogurts, and ate them, and then made a fairly huge production out of retiring to her bedroom to recuperate.

My mom went in to talk to her.
Marma (that's what I call my mom, don't ask why because I can't remember): What's wrong, honey?
Zoe (using her I'm On My Deathbed Voice): My tummy hurts.
Marma: Why do you think that is?  Is it because of the yogurt?
Zoe: Uh huh.
Marma: Well, then why did you eat it all?  I tried to warn you it wouldn't taste good!
Zoe (still barely croaking out words): Because I wanted to prove you wrong.
Well, at least she's honest.

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 zzsssss <----the baby typed that - her first blog post!!!!

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20 comments:

  1. OMG! Zoe and I are twins! I would totally give myself a stomach-ache to prove someone wrong. You have a long road ahead of you, I'm afraid.

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    1. I kind of saw it coming, but it isn't making it any easier to deal with...

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  2. I love this. I just very recently grew out of my life long, "Do stupid shit to prove people wrong" phase.

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    1. Ha! I might need you to tutor Zoe someday, then (I haven't grown out of mine yet).

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  3. Kids are so funny! My 8yo has done that kind of thing too!

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    1. Whew, glad we're not the only ones - sometimes I wonder if she toes the line between being honest and having a sass-mouth. :)

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  4. That is one of the greatest things I've ever heard! Also, she is just lovely!

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    1. She can be pretty funny, especially when she doesn't mean to be. :)

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  5. All this time I thought the "not keeping your mouth shut even when it's in your best interest" gene was special to my 7 yo. I hope Zoe survived to live another day. I suspect if the incident were fatal you would have blogged about it. :-)

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    1. Yours too, eh? Yes, she survived - I'm pretty sure she made up the whole tummy ache for attention. You never can tell with her, because usually whenever she's an ailment, like chapped lips, somehow it devolves into all sorts of other stuff (like a sudden limp), until you can't really trust any of her illness reports. :/

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  6. I think I just spit out my yogurt!!! I would love for you to guest post my laughs one weekend for me- you are hysterical!!! Come link up if you like:) Have a great weekend!

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    1. Mmm, yogurt...

      What a great compliment - that would be fun! Thanks for being here :)

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  7. Oh defiance.
    Wait until you tell her not to get a tattoo.
    Ask how that worked for me and my strategic move on having placed on my stomach at 18 years old...and then ask me how it looked when i got pregnant.

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    1. I'm sorry, I hope you're laughing so I can be laughing with you and not at you. As with all plans of youth, that was very clever - for the short term. :)

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  8. Hi Robyn,
    Thanks so much for commenting on my blog, and for the stroller recommendation! I just discovered your blog, and I LOVE it! You must have a constant inner narrative of really really funny stuff. Lucky you! I look forward to reading more.
    -Laura

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    1. It was my pleasure, Laura! Your comment made me laugh really hard, though (seriously) - my inner narrative usually sounds like a scratched record or is totally on vacation. I LOVE that compliment, though! :)

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  9. "Its called Zogurt! And it will monopolize the entire yogurt market!" Meanwhile, our experimenter is discovered doubled over on the floor of her laboratory after mixing and imbibing her newest concoction--Wild Green Tea Plazberry. She is rushed immediately home where she is laid up in bed for the better part of a half an hour or so.

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    1. It's like you were there! I'm now going to keep doses of Wild Green Tea Plazberry on hand at all times, and dare the children to eat it when I need Quiet Time.

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  10. THAT is one of the funniest stories ever! So cute!

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    1. Thanks! :) And this is her trying to be serious - heaven help us if she ever tries to be cute!

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