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Friday, June 29, 2012

We Are Not The Poshes


You know what I love?
Kit Kats?  Long walks on the beach?  When the kids brush their teeth and don't leave streaks of toothpaste spit in the sink?
Yes, I love all those things, but what I'm referring to here are those rare moments when you know, beyond a doubt, that you are completely understood by another soul on this Earth.

Bonus points if you're married to that person.

I know stories about the school year are so last week,  what with summer in full swing for so many of us, but I forgot to tell you this and it was such a moment of Perfect Marital Unity that I had to share.

About a millionty years ago I wrote about Posh Mom, our local resident perfect-o mom.  I saw her every day in the school yard while we waited for our children, her very presence mocking my inadequacy as a mother and as a woman.  Her hair was trimmed each night by benevolent pixies as she slept, into a style that achieved a magical combination of flirtatious and sophisticated.  Her clothes were trendy but age-appropriate (and probably even clean), and she was back to a size 6 twenty minutes after giving birth to her third child.  What made it even worse was that, try as I might, I couldn't even hate her because she seemed like she was probably really nice, though I wouldn't know firsthand since I don't talk to strangers, make small talk of any kind, or develop new friendships.
Except on the innerwebs.  You guys are so much less annoying and scary than real life people.
Anyway, Posh Mom was, naturally, at the First Grade Final Project Presentation Extravaganza one evening at the school, since Zoe and Posh Mom's son (the miniature Brad Pitt look-alike) are in the same class.

"My Community Around the World is Italy.  Italy is on the
continent of Europe.  It is about the size of..."  Oh dear God, will I
ever get that damn presentation un-memorized???

Her two boys were there, wearing matching sweater vests and clip-on ties - painfully adorable.  Of course she was casually stunning in her wrap top and Jackie O sunglasses, chatting it up with the other moms as I observed through binoculars from the other side of the planet.

Gerry and I were just about to go see some of the other kids' presentations (they were being done open-house style instead of up on stage) when he elbowed me.

He nodded in the direction of a guy who was listening to Zoe's speech.  The man's hair was impeccably styled, though seemingly without the use of any hair products.  He had on some funky, expensive-looking shoes, paired with flawlessly distressed jeans and a snug v-neck T-shirt.  He was listening intently to Zoe's every word, asking thoughtful, appropriate questions while holding a tiny baby wearing what was probably a Louis Vuitton headband.

Gerry leaned in closely to me and whispered, "That's my Posh Dad."

I smiled, appreciating the reference to a blog post that most husbands would have forgotten about long ago.

But then I realized that he wasn't just talking about my post.  There was a lack of recognition in his eyes that told me he really meant it - he felt the same way about this guy as I did about Posh Mom - because he said that without even knowing the truth.   Feeling closer to him than ever, I leaned over and told him what I'd thought, at first, he already knew.

"That's Posh Mom's husband!"

We snickered together like dorky school kids over the discovery of our Posh Couple Counterparts.  Then we went to listen to Perfect Mini Brad Pitt give his presentation, where we learned that Posh Dad just got back from China (they're world travelers - what a shock) and that Posh Dad's brother was the gentleman standing nearby, the one who appeared to have just arrived from his Ivy League fraternity house and managed to look hip while carrying a European leather man-purse.

Gerry and I just exchanged knowing looks.  We may not be posh, or stylishly dressed, or showered, or have magical haircuts.   But we have each other, our insecurities and imperfections perfectly matched, and that's even better than a stack of Kit Kats.

Which is saying a lot.  You know how I feel about Kit Kats.


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Now tell me - do you have a Posh Mom or Dad in your life?  Also, do you know of a large hole we could bulldoze them all into?
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P.S. You guessed it - I'm still on vacation.  Rest assured, if I haven't found regular access to the innerwebz by now, I've likely been hospitalized for withdrawal.  So if I don't respond to your lovely comments right away, please know it's not because I love you any less - it's because I'm busy trying to break out of the hospital armed with nothing but a plastic sand bucket and the ability to blind people with the sight of me in a tankini.


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


28 comments:

  1. Who wants to be the Poshes anyway? You know their kids are repressed and scared to fart in front of them anyway. I would much rather be hanging with you guys, with our without Kit Kats ;)

    Enjoy your vacation!

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    1. We'd rather hang with you, too - we'll bring the Kit Kats. :) I'll try to leave the kids at home, though, since I wish they were just a *little* afraid to fart in front of me (or strangers).

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  2. "Except on the innerwebs. You guys are so much less annoying and scary than real life people."

    Oh darling, thank you for the affirmation. Busy morning here; family pets are securely duct taped to the walls and their diapers changed (the Jack Russell terrier struggles so!) spousal unit is at work, the kids are out of camp today so I'm keeping them heavily sedated and sleeping like little angels while I put a little coffee in my morning whiskey and just try and change the world one post at a time. Dreamer. Rainmaker. Paradox. Smells colors. G'day!

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    1. Wait, you're going too fast! I need to take notes - I like the sound of your household management style. :)

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  3. Pish posh...you two are so cute, though I've never met you. And, I will affirm what you already know, that kit kats are pretty sa-weet, too! However, I would like to get my hands on those hair pixies...

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    1. Meh, hair pixies would just end up getting tangled in my hair and I'd have to cut them out like chewing gum. ;)

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  4. Wuv, twue wuv (that's my Princess Bride reference in case you wondered where my speech impediment came from)

    I am sure that you and Gerry are more fun to hang out with than the Posh Couple. And is posh Dad running for government office? See? They are so boring!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "...is what bwings us togevah today."

      I heart that movie. :)

      I bet they are totally boring! Ironically, the only way they'd probably be the kind of couple we'd hang out with is if they were secretly making fun of us, too.

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  5. I live in a community where these people exist too. I moved from casual CA and was terrified initially. But, luckily I've found some non posh counterparts to hang out with (and some poshers who actually are down to earth even though they don't quite look the part!). This made me laugh, thanks!

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    1. What's funny is that our community is TOTALLY non-posh. Which is probably what makes these people stand out so much - I almost want to ask them what on Earth brought them here, to stylishly hang out among the sweatpants-ed, tank-topped riff raff, but I could never think of a good way to phrase the question. ;)

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  6. I love how there is somebody for everybody.

    My boyfriend and I are most certainly not the poshes, but he drives such a nice car that people probably mistakenly think we are from time to time. That amuses me.

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    1. I LOVE this comment - we have a nice car that we only obtained because it was cheap at an auction, and you reminded me about how a neighbor once admitted to Gerry that he always assumed we were drug dealers because of the car. WTF, dude? Hahhaha, it still makes me laugh.

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  7. I love the Posh reference, isn't people watching a great past time?? I am glad that you are so outgoing with us all but you know the world is missing one funny lady that we are keeping to ourselfs.. Don't EVER change and become Posh!!

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    1. There is zero chance of me becoming a Posh - all my mascara expired in 1998 and I don't know how to apply it anyway. ;)

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  8. The Poshes! There is one in every city. There also happens to be one around when I'm wearing batman socks and a teal scrunchie at the grocery store. It's like they KNOW. They can smell fear...and scrunchies. Thank you for making me laugh (as you always do).

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    1. HA!!! "They can smell fear... and scrunchies." Oh my lawdy, how true is that? Well, it could be worse - at least we're not wearing banana clips... usually. ::ahem::

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  9. Sometimes I feel like the whole room is made of Poshes!

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    1. True - they multiply like a Mogwai that got wet and then ate after midnight (note: a Posh would never make a Gremlins reference, which is one reason I can't be friends with them).

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  10. Remember Punky Brewster? I think I am what she would be if she grew up. Heck. What am I saying - I'm still not grown up... Being so perfectly posh with everything perfectly matching is so utterly boring and predictable. The Poshes have each other (aaaawwww- barf) and you have your significant other with your perfectly balanced imperfections. Much more fun! Because you get to giggle together :)

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    1. Punky Brewster!!! You're making me want to put my hair in pigtails and wear striped rainbow tights under a skirt with a lavendar denim vest - do you think they make that outfit in adult sizes? No, probably not. Probably for good reason. I like to believe I'd be brave enough to wear it if they did, though. :)

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  11. Just finding your blog through semi-domesticated mama. I've been perusing different posts and thoroughly enjoy your writing! I'm a new follower. :-)

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    1. Thank you so much - I'm thrilled you're here! (And isn't Delilah awesome???)

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  12. I'd much rather hang out with you than the poshes! I taught at a school where it seemed like most of the moms were posh. I spent most of the year feeling frumpy.

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    1. Thank you, and likewise! "Frumpy" is exactly the right word for it - uck, I hate that. Of course if I really hated it THAT much, I might put some effort into pulling myself together, but then I don't. :)

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  13. Ugh! I know lots of those people.

    That was really cute of your husband.

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  14. Just makes me think that everyone has their posh, and that we're probably someone else's poshes. There must be a posh-hierarchy, mustn't there?

    And we really are mega-awesome and fun to hang out with. Especially at an open bar event.

    Thanks for saying nice things about us, Wife! And your readers. You all say some really great things about Robyn and us, and we really dig it. She IS the best, and I'm a lucky, lucky man. I'm trying like hell to earn what I have in her, because I'm fairly certain I didn't deserve her when I got her. It's going to take me the rest of my life, I imagine. Oh wellllll.

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    1. Honey, that's really sweet, but I'm not so sure we're anyone's poshes. If we are, they're in a sad, sad state of affairs.

      But HTV readers are the awesomest readers ever, you're right about that! And you *are* damn lucky, so 2 out of 3 ain't bad. ;) ilu

      P.S. My apologies to anyone who threw up a little from my husband's comment. I walk around the house with an air sickness bag at all times in the event there's a Spontaneous Sweetness Incident, but you probably weren't prepared.

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