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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I'm in mourning, and also deliriously happy.

I'm on the verge of tears over here.  I would just sob outright, except I tend to ugly-cry once I get going, and I don't want the resulting bodily convulsions to make me spill bourbon on the baby.
Because being an excellent mother is my top priority.
Why so sad?  you ask?  Well, thanks for caring, even if I had to ask on your behalf.

I'm upset because I don't have any brain cells, which, if you read yesterday's post, you know is probably related to all the gasoline I drank as a child.
Or maybe it's related to the bourbon.
Actually, not having brain cells isn't so bad, especially now that I have a SmartPhone that's smart for  me.  The only problem is, sometimes even the technological smartitude of the SmartPhone is subjected to my dumbness.  Which brings me to the real reason I'm about to start blubbering like a 14 year old girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her on facebook.
I don't mean to sound unsympathetic if that really happened to you.  That sucks.  However, if you are 14 and something bad happens to you, please observe the 24-hour Cooling Off Period before updating your status eleventy times per day to some version of, "It's the end of the world and life has no meaning and I'll never, ever recover so why have you done this to me you know who you are and I know where you live?!?"  Just a suggestion.  Your future self will thank you.  Signed, The Internet Never Forgets, And Also You Sound Marginally Insane
Anyway, since I don't have any Brain Memory of my own, I compensate by making notes on my phone.  This works great for me, because any time some Really Important Thing pops into my head (such as, "Oprah's BFF Gail's failed talk show = yesterday's news once removed!"), I don't even have to try  to remember it; I just tippity-tap a note to myself and refer back to it later (or forget I made a note about it altogether - whatever).

It's just too bad that my SmartPhone doesn't know how dumb I am.  It assumes I know what I'm doing, so it does every little stupid thing that I tell it to do.

Like, for instance, when I press the wrong button and it deletes stuff I didn't mean to delete.  Let's say, maybe, the note that contained the entire list I'd gradually constructed of random blog post ideas.  That's right, ALL MY WRITER'S BLOCK EMERGENCY MATERIAL IS GONE!

I weep for you, dear reader, as much as I weep for myself (almost).  Since I made exactly zero effort to retain any of those (no doubt hilarious) ideas in my Real Life Brain, who knows  what comedic gems have been lost forever?  ::sniff::
Yes, I'm aware that this is a classic First World Problem.  I can cry about it if I want to, though.  Also, our refrigerator makes too much noise when it's making ice cubes, and I just ate the last of my fancy, gourmet chocolate.  Who wouldn't  feel sorry for me?
However, there are two very major upsides that I should keep in mind, namely:
  • When I accidentally deleted the Super Fantastic Emergency Blog Ideas list, I was looking at it because I didn't have anything to write about, but then I wrote this whole post about deleting the list, which was probably a better topic than any idea on the list, and
  • Right after that, my email inbox told me that I'm featured on BlogHer today!!!!

One click on the banner below is one vote, and much appreciated!
Just take my advice and don't try to ask your SmartPhone to do it for you.
It'll probably just delete something or update your facebook status instead.
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38 comments:

  1. If you have an iPhone I am sorry to be the complete jerk who tells you those notes are gone forever and ever. Mac actually deletes things when you ask it to. Stupid smart phones!
    I have the "Blogger" app and whenever I have an idea I create a new post and throw my 2 word reminder and store them all there. Since I'm not in there messing with stuff unless I'm making something, this saves me from my own technology mistakes.
    Congrats on your feature at BlogHer. That post is especially funny!

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    1. I found instructions online for how to restore my phone settings from the last time the phone was hooked up to the computer - but (because I'm dumb) while I read the instructions I had my phone plugged in, which was updating my settings. So when I restored my phone, it gave me everything I already had post-deletion. I also noticed yesterday that sfor some reason all those lists from my phone were in my gmail trash bin, so I Forever Deleted my trash FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER because "I've never needed this stuff before, so I'm sure I'll never need it never ever ever." So there were my only two potential ways to save my sorry self, which I ruined with stupidity.

      I have the blogger app too, but it only lets me update in html mode, so I gave up on it immediately and it just sits on my phone looking pretty. Clearly I need to revisit it. Or just stop using my dumb phone for everything. :)

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    2. Your tech skills are a little more advanced than mine. I am impressed by both your efforts.
      For the record, if you start a post on your phone blogger app it always looks normal. If you start a post on your computer and then open it in your app you're stuck with all the HTML, which I agree is annoying.

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    3. Sweet, good to know! Thanks for the tip!

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  2. Look at you! I don't do the BlogHer thing (or the fancy phone thing,) but I know it's a huge deal! Big congrats. Bask in the glory...

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    1. Thank you so much! If "basking" includes being stuck under a sleeping baby while your brain is assaulted by Godzilla starring Marthew Broderick because you can't reach the remote, then yes, I am totally basking.

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  3. I do that all the time! My pregnant brain's always like, "That's a great idea for a blog post, I'll totally remember it for you. Except if you stop to get a glass of water, or breathe, or yell at the kids." Headin' over to check your awesomeness being featured.

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    1. I'll vouch for you that pregnancy brain is the WORST. Remember a blog post idea? Forget it - I was lucky if I remembered to put on pants before I asked somebody what my name was.

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  4. I hope that drinking bourbon doesn't cause any brain issues. That makes me feel sad.

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  5. Don't worry - as the intensity of the brain issues increases, your ability to detect them decreases. So, aside from the hangovers, it's pretty painless.

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  6. Congrats on being featured on BlogHer! I am super new to blogging, but I get the impression that that is kind of a big deal. Since I'm super envious of your bloggy success, I have to ask you, how did they find your post in order to feature it (if you know)? This blogosphere stuff is all very confusing, and I'm just trying to figure out how it all works. Thanks so much, Robyn!

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    1. Laura, I'm so happy to help any way I can - I've had tons of help from e-friends I've made while blogging, and I know I'll continue to need their advice (I'm not so terribly successful yet, but I thank you for saying that I seem to be)! :) you can set up a profile on BlogHer and blog there; I wrote a post there, and they featured that one, though I don't know how they chose it. Today's feature was one I submitted to them directly, through the BlogHer Publishing Network I just joined. You might be able to submit to them without joining the publishing network (which is for advertising mostly) but I'm not sure. I hope that helps!

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    2. Thanks fir the tips, Robyn!

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    3. My pleasure! If you have any other questions, feel free to email me or DM me on Twitter. :)

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    4. Robyn- Guess what? I submitted a post on BlogHer, and it seemed at first that it just disappeared into some vast internetty wasteland, but then today I got an email saying they were featuring it! Yay! Now, I'm obsessively checking the BlogHer website for new comments on my post. Thank you again for your advice. BTW, I haven't joined the BlogHer Publishing Network because I haven't quite figured out what it's all about yet, so the post they featured was one that I just submitted. If you're interested, here's my post:

      http://www.blogher.com/domestic-goddess-necessity?from=digital

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    5. That is positively awesome! GREAT JOB! And it means a lot to me that you came back to let me know. :) AND your post was really good - I shared it on the Twitter. ;)

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  7. Congrats on BlogHer! Awesome! As for the iPhone and losing notes, I hear ya sista! Happened to me recently. And it f-ed me up, BIG TIME!

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    1. Ack, I don't know what I'm gonna do about that note! I'm having serious What If I Only Had A Limited Number Of Creative Ideas And I Just Lost A Bunch If Them anxiety! ::breathe:: Thanks for the congrats, though! Maybe I should focus on that part and save the stressy freak-out for tomorrow. :)

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  8. Replies
    1. Truly nor my best quality. I don't know what IS my best quality, but that is not it.

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    2. Truly NOT my best quality, not "nor" my best quality. That doesn't nor make any sense. Stupid typos.

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  9. congrats I think they couldn't of pick a better gal...I have been voting so now I know my vote DOES make a difference YA YOU!!!

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  10. Ok wait I voted on the other thingy damn bourbon but I am still congratulating you on the blog her. I hope you find the remote tomorrow in the covers lol ssshhh don't wake that baby!

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    1. Thank you so much - and thanks for voting (I've noticed my rank going up, so your votes DO make a difference)!!! I did eventually find the remote, but my husband and I were laughing so hard at our own snarky comments that we went ahead and watched the rest of the movie anyway. :)

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  11. Congrats!! That is awesome.
    See Mom, gas drinking will make you do good things.

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    1. Thankee! Ya, Mom, see??? I really did know everything back then. Toldja so.

      Wait, I'd better take that back before karma curses me with kids who gargle mercury from our old thermometers.

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  12. I totally feel your pain - I recently misplaced my iPod touch only to realize all the quotes and such I'd written in notes to refer to later are saved no where else! Oh, it's a deep pain. And congrats on being featured, that's so exciting!

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    1. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I thought time would ease my pain, but sadly, one day has not yet made a dent in my sadness. ;)

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  13. Good grief! I have the SAME memory problem. I tried using that ginko biloba stuff - pills promised to better your memory, except in an ironic twist, I kept forgetting to take them. True story.

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    1. That's why I never bothered with the supplements. Or maybe I did used to take them, and I just don't remember (equally likely).

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  14. Hey, at least you got this post out of it, which is pretty cool :) Sorry for your loss, fellow blogger...!

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    1. I know, I'm trying to appreciate the silver lining. Thanks for the condolences. :)

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  15. Sorry, Baby. I wish I could tell you that I had made a copy of your blog ideas whilst snooping through your notes, but then I'd have to tell you I'd been snooping through your notes, which you know I don't do, because I'd have to tell you that I was. Plus, I know you don't care if I do, so it wouldn't really be a big deal to tell you about it, oh woman who has all my passwords to all my accounts at her fingertips. In other words, I can't help. but I can say I'm sorry. Stupid iPhone.

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    1. It's times like these that I wish you didn't trust me, and that you spied on me and secretly made copies of everything on my phone. Curse you, damn healthy marriage!!!

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  16. Well, yay you! Not for the deleted hilarious blog ideas list, but for BlogHer. That is awesome! I will have to check it out. BTW, love the visual of your phone under bright lights. Ha!

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    1. Thanks a lot! I wish I could report the phone (figuratively) cracked under the pressure, but nope. Stupid phone.

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  17. I hear you on accidentally deleting stuff. I have so many "critical" videos and stories/essays/list ideas saved on my laptop that it is scary. I think my head might implode if something happens to the laptop. We back things up with a device known as Time Machine, but can I really trust it? Who's to say that it won't break down and lose all the photographs from my children's first years? Years ago, it might have taken a severe house fire to lose that kind of memorabilia. Today, it feels like we are constantly at risk of some random virus (or human error) deleting our life stories. Thanks for the funny post.

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    1. Plus, I know next to nothing about computers, so I live in fear that my hard drive will get erased if one of the kids wanders by carrying a refrigerator magnet. Are we still supposed to be afraid of magnets? I don't know...

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