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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Randomness Round-Up

"Uh, Mom, did you hear a suspicious
rustling in the bushes?"
"Don't worry, dear, it's just Google and
a Russian Viagra salesman."
It's Friday, and I thought I'd throw together carefully and lovingly craft a list of random things that happened around here this week, since I assume you were all too busy with your own goings-on to spend the past several days observing my fascinating life through binoculars.  Or at least I hope you were.

Speaking of being stalked, the first item on the list involves stupid Goofle (an entity I don't care much for) reading my email.  I get an email notification any time one of you marvelous people leaves me a comment, but I also get notified every time I get a comment full of spam.  A few days ago I got a Spam Comment Email from a nice gentleman offering to sell me some Viagra, but he was barking up the wrong tree because I don't need any and also because he apparently only speaks Russian, whereas I do not.  Goofle, having snuck in and read his sales pitch, has changed all of their targeted ads (the ones that appear above my email inbox) to Russian hotel discount offers (written in Russian), in what can only be construed as an attempt to facilitate the sales efforts of this Viagra peddler.  Goofle apparently didn't get the memo that I DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN NOR DO I WANT ANY RUSSIAN VIAGRA.  If someone could send me an email to that effect so that Goofle will read it and stop sending me Russian rent-a-car ads, I would greatly appreciate it.

And on the topic of innerweb weirdness, I would also like to share that, according to my Blogger stats, someone was recently directed to my blog via an internet search for "candy corn jesus."  Of course it doesn't give me any further details, but you know who you are.   I couldn't help but feel a little curious.  Are you starting a new religion?  Writing the strangest term paper ever in the history of ever?  Inventing theme candy for a new Halloween/Christmas hybrid holiday?  Inquiring minds want to know!  If you're just trying to learn what the difference is, here's a hint: plenty of people like Jesus, whereas almost everyone universally agrees that candy corn is heinous.  Once you know that, they're pretty easy to tell apart.
"Don't send Mommy to Hell for failing at Lent
- watching baseball was punishment enough."

Now, before I forget, I'm just going to throw in my March Photo Challenge picture #2, because I gave up procrastination for Lent (sorry I put off telling you for so long) so I'm hoping to get the March photos posted in a timely manner instead of Whenever The Heck I Remember, which was my timetable in February.  No promises, though, since the last time I gave something up for Lent I was about 10 years old, the thing I gave up was TV, and (as I recall) I sat on the stairs listening to my parents watch the Cubs play the Reds for about 15 minutes before I cracked and went in to watch with them, even though I don't like baseball, which just goes to show how little will power I have.







Anyway, as I was saying, prompt #2 for the March Photo Challenge is Fruit, so here's a photo of Madeline smearing banana all over herself and the rest of creation.  I mean, Creation.  Or whatever.  It might not look like a picture of fruit per se, but trust me, that slime she's coated in is primarily fruit-based.  Though to be honest it probably has a fairly high concentration of saliva, too.



Ads in the center of the book prove 1950s
Mothers had the advantage of Dr. Spock's
wisdom AND that of meat specialists.
And finally, I wanted to give you a preview of a post I have in the works for next week, which I may or may not ever finish, but I already uploaded a bunch of pictures for it so I probably will.  It's going to be about Dr. Spock and his Famous Baby-Raising Advice, since I'm lucky enough to be the owner of a circa 1957 version of his Baby and Child Care handbook.  This book, my copy of which was obviously well-loved because it's held together loosely with masking tape, is chock full of great tips, like how to affix a badminton net over the crib so the baby can't get out (note to Gerry: please stop at the store on your way home and pick up a badminton net).

One section of the book deals with Bringing the Baby Home, which evidently Dr. Spock didn't expect you to do without a full staff of housekeepers, bodyguards, and visiting nurses.  I guess they must've had a primitive form of Goofle back then, too, because it sounds like there were a lot of salesmen wandering around with targeted advertising.


"Are you coming over here to
joggle and/or jounce me?"
Was it really necessary Back In the Day to fend off representatives from the Gerber Grow Up Life Plan ten minutes after you got home from the hospital?  How did these briefcase-wielding maniacs even know there was a new baby there?  Did they stalk pregnant women, hiding behind the hedge until these poor ladies gave birth?  Or did they just follow the line of visitors streaming in to "joggle" and "jounce" the baby (whatever that is)?  Also, am I supposed to be waggling my head at Madeline?


I guess what I'm saying is, there was a lot about this book that made me wonder if I'm doing something wrong with my slap-dash child-rearing attempts, but also a lot that made me wonder how any babies from the 1960s survived to adulthood. I'm going to try to tackle all these questions and more next week. I really hope you come back to read my post about it, if I ever get around to writing it.






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14 comments:

  1. Viagra- yes that is important to our blogging,lol. I get spam too- so annoying. That picture with her saying, don't let mommy be mad about lent. Too precious. Love this post! I have my Saturday laughs uo if you want to link up:) Have a great weekend!

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  2. Thanks, Melissa! You should see how many pics I took of her sitting in her high chair that day - about 1000, and she has a different goofy expression in each one. :) I linked with your Top 5 Laughs - thanks for letting me know it was up and running!

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  3. Darn. I wish I knew about the nets when my youngest was a baby! I coulda used that. Also, when the Candy Jesus Porn religion is released, please sign me up.

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  4. Oh my goodness--I almost WET myself this was so funny! I cannot WAIT for next week's (month's?) post!
    http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/

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  5. Oh--and I found you on the blog hop and am your newest follower...enjoy your weekend!
    http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/

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  6. I'm just sitting here waggling my head... new follower from The Mommy Chronicles hop :) (Oh - and I don't want to be included in Mara's new Candy Jesus "Porn" religion, I actually like candy corn and Jesus just the way they are!)

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  7. PS - I'm happily married and have 5 kids to. That means we BOTH rock!

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  8. Fruit smears or not. She's very cute.

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  9. Mara, if you like that badminton net idea, just wait until you hear his other advice - it's really going to change the kind of mother I am! Maybe even in a good way (but probably not.)

    I don't know if I can help you with the Jesus candy corn/porn, but I'll continue to watch my stats. It's only a matter of time...

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  10. I'll try to make it sooner than a month, Nika, although I DO appreciate the leeway!

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  11. Noel - so glad you're here! And yes, we DO rock, don't we????

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  12. Thanks, Leanne! If I had to choose I'd say she might be a tad cuter without the smears, but that's probably why she wipes her face off on my shirt, I guess!

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  13. This post was priceless! She is just too precious, as well.
    I really needed the laugh!

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  14. Happy to be of service, Trianna - it makes my day when I can make someone laugh (other than myself). :)

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