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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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March Photo Challenge 3 & 4 (and now 5, too)

I know, I know, as recently as three days ago I promised I was going to post these pictures in a timely manner, and here I am, already behind.  As you can see by the title of the post, I intended to get this done yesterday, when I was only one measly day behind, but here it is Monday and I'm looking back at yesterday thinking to myself, Um, hello, moron-a-thon, did you post those pictures?   And I have to reluctantly admit to myself that no, I did not.  Here's how the conversation went in my head on Sunday, pretty much verbatim:
Hey genius, if you post those pictures today you can be caught up, and next week you can just post about regular stuff instead of posting long, rambling explanations for why you're making people read long, rambling descriptions of March Photo Challenge photos.   ::grumbles, writes the first sentence above::   There now, that's an excellent start.  But you had a muscle spasm in your back yesterday (which was true) so you should take it easy today (which was probably not true).  Best to take a break.  You know what they say - sleep when the baby sleeps!   ::takes two-hour nap with baby::   Good, now you're refreshed!  But before you get back to that blog, you'd better sanitize the 5 metric tons of Little People toys that you've been toting around for 10 years since Jake was a baby, now that Maddie's almost (but not quite) old enough to play with them.  Who doesn't want something new to trip on in the living room?  ::washes toys and spends next several hours trying to teach baby that you can do more with a Little People barn than tip it over and try to stand on it::
And so on - you get the point.  Well, I believe I mentioned something about not getting your hopes up in regard to me giving things (like procrastination) up for Lent.  Or in regard to Me in general.  But don't worry, as you get to know me better you'll gradually learn to expect some pain and disappointment; I'm like the friendship equivalent to slowly peeling a Band-Aid off a hairy part of your arm (or so I've been told).  Now, on with the show!

3) Your Neighborhood
This is my street.  Wow, that was a pretty foggy day,  you're probably thinking to yourself, or perhaps you shouldn't let dogs lick your camera lens.   Great advice - thank you.  Actually, this was  fog.  But it wasn't just any old fog; according to local meteorologists (who should really just stick to studying meteors, because when they talk about weather they seem to get bored with normal conditions like "sunny" or plain old "fog") this was FREEZING FOG.  Freezing Fog is a very special kind of fog that you get when it's pretty cold.  It's exactly like regular fog, except it's colder (as I mentioned) and it makes the sidewalks a little slippery.  Thank God the meteorologists made that distinction.  I'm hoping they get bored again later this week so we can have some more exciting, made-up kinds of weather.  Maybe they could arrange for it to rain unicorns or something.



4) Bedside
I have a confession to make.  When taking this photo, I briefly considered dusting and decluttering my bedside table in an attempt to make it look like we're the kind of family that dusts and has tastefully decorated bedside tables.  But then I realized that's not Keepin' It Real, so here it is - the ugly truth.  This is what's next to my (unmade) bed: a Co-Sleeper, which is still attached to the bed per the manufacturer's instructions via a complicated lever and pulley system under the mattress, but which has been converted from a co-sleeper to a playpen, because the baby in this scenario is way too old to be contained by a mere co-sleeper.  Before you decide to call the authorities due to the potential health hazards for Baby sleeping with this configuration of Frankensteined-together beds, take comfort in the knowledge that I rarely sleep there and instead frequently fall asleep on the couch.  Yes, with the baby.  And before you call the authorities about that,  please remember that I'm the first to admit that I'm not perfect.  And also, shut up.


5) Smile
Okay, all sarcasm aside, I love this picture.  I love it because Gerry was down on the floor, playing with her and taking pictures, and it makes me crazy happy that he's so head over heels for this baby.  I also love this picture because I had been upstairs, and this is the look she gave Gerry when she saw me coming down to join them - she looks happy, right?  I LOVE that - there's something about your baby smiling at you that sort of fixes everything.  A baby's smile says, Maybe you don't dust, and we sleep in a death trap, and you can't keep up with simple tasks like posting photos in a timely manner.  But you must've done something right, because I'm so flippin' happy to see you.   Awesomeness.





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4 comments:

  1. Awww. This post *almost* makes me want a baby of my own. But I know it's a trick because I remember the last picture of that baby that tried to turn me into a robot zombie with her steely gaze.

    Not falling for it cute baby!!

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  2. Damn, Tumbleweed, she almost had you! Judging by the way she groaned when I laughed at your comment, I can only assume her intention was to trick you into having a baby, and/or the robot zombie thing. Or she might have groaned because I woke her up. It's hard to tell sometimes.

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  3. our neighborhood looks a lot nicer in the freezing fog. if only we could have such atmospheric obscuration every day. i pine for the days of acid rain and smog.

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  4. p.s. you're the best, baby. you too, maddie! smooches.

    papa

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