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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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It's Like Stealing Cake From A 10-Year-Old Baby

It happened.  My tiny baby, who just moments ago was a 2 pound 10 ounce preemie in an incubator, had the nerve to turn ten years old yesterday.

Here's a cast the nurses took of his hand when he was
already over a month old.  Is teeny, no?

Jake at 2 weeks old.  No, that's not an Amazonian giant he's holding hands with,
it's just me. Thank God I was too young and stupid to know how scared I should be.

Fast forward 10 years, and he's a healthy, happy, normal, toilet-joke-loving 10-year-old boy.  Amazing.  Thanks, Medical Science.  Seriously.

He had a Star Wars birthday party, which my mom shopped for, decorated for, cooked for, and hosted at her house.  I just showed up with the kids and - voilá  - there was a whole party already there!  (I know, how awesome is that?  And no, you can't have her.  She's my  mom, and she can't be handling all your kids' birthday parties, because her time is very valuable, by which I mean that would seriously cut into the time she currently dedicates to doing stuff for me.)

Don't get the wrong impression about my lack of Party-Set-Up Enthusiasm; I love my son like crazy and I want him to live it up on his birthday, but I was in no mood to throw a party because:

  A) eh, too much work, and
  2) clean the house - what?  And also (mainly) because
  III) Maddie is currently suffering from the cold I just gave her because I can't help smooching all over her face even when I'm sick, which is causing her to hork snot all over everything ("everything" = me) while escalating to DEFCON Level 1 Cling Factor, which doesn't really jive with setting up Star Wars decorations.  Or does it?

The answer is no, it doesn't.  The human race has yet to discover a way to carry a snot-encrusted baby on your hip while blowing up Star Warsy balloons and climbing a ladder to hang up a sign depicting Yoda saying, "Have a happy birthday, you will."  Not even if the puffy-eyed, slumpy, slime-faced, fat-roll-covered baby matches the decor because she vaguely resembles a mini Jabba the Hut.  (No offense - I mean a really cute  Jabba the Hut.)

"I'll get you for that, Han Solo... er, I mean, Mommy."

Anyway, I can't believe Jake is already ten, especially considering that, as he ages, I somehow manage to remain so young and fabulous.  Umm, okay, not really.  It's hard to claim to be young and fabulous when you haven't shaved your legs in three weeks and you turn into a raging narcoleptic after 8 PM.

Plus, I'm finally at the age when I can't even remember my own age anymore, which isn't a good sign.  Last week I told my mom, "I can't believe I'm going to be 35 this year," to which she replied, "Me neither - probably because you're going to be 36."  Crud.  Technically she was  there so I suppose she would know, but I did the math anyway.  You know, just to be sure.  She was right.  Crud.

And you would think,  even if I can't remember my age, that I'd never forget what day my birthday's on, considering it's the day after Jake's and I'd certainly never forget his  birthday, especially since he provides me with constant reminders through his daily requests for an iPad and a 3DS and possibly his own monogrammed Space Shuttle.  But I do  forget, which is making me question my sanity, or at least question the viability of my short- (and long-) term memory.

However, no matter how bad it gets, there are at least two birthday benefits to being old and forgetful and having your birthday fall the day after your kid's:
  1. I am always pleasantly surprised by birthday greetings, not only because it means someone I know wishes me well, but also because the fact that it's my birthday is processed by my brain as brand new information  every time I hear it.  Oh yeah, it's my birthday,  I think.  How lovely.  I should do something special.   And then I go back to wiping baby snot off my shirt, and forget all about it.
  2. I don't particularly care about birthday cakes, and I don't really like making them, especially for myself, though I recognize that it's an Important Tradition.  Plus, without a cake I wouldn't have any candles to blow out and I'd miss my annual opportunity to wish for five minutes to myself without a small person hanging off of my body world peace.  But with back-to-back birthdays, I never have to worry about forgetting to make one for myself - I just repurpose Jake's leftovers.
Jake getting ready to make a wish!

My cake - it's going to look really spiffy tonight
with 36 candles jutting out of it at every angle.

After I slap some fresh icing around the edges, I don't think anyone will even notice the difference.

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37 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday!!!! (Well, to you and everyone else in your house, of course, but mostly to you as I "know" you a bit more.)

    Holy cow he was tiny when he was born and yes, I do believe that ignorance is bliss in many situations. All has turned out well.

    At any rate, I hope you (all) enjoy your day. Have your cake and eat it too, you will.

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  2. Thanks, Abby! We will enjoy it - I already had cake for breakfast, so I think I'm on the right track.

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  3. Hmm. You'd better be leaving room for all the fried food I'm stewing up tonight.

    Happy Birthday, Baby!!!

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  4. Happy Birthday! Your post made me laugh - so true! I too did the math on my birthday this year - 36, ahem, I mean 38. :)

    I love your about section - gray hair and acne indeed! WTH?

    Thank you for commenting on Mom in Management earlier today. I am now following you. :)

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  5. Happy Birthday!!

    That is one tiny human hand! At least now you know *for sure* he's human. Alien babies morph into something else way before 10.

    You have the cutest. Jabba. the. Hut. Ever. (she's tryining to steal my mind again, though)

    Enjoy the cake, no matter who you steal it from!

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  6. Thanks, Dari - it gets so hard to keep track of the years, doesn't it?? And thanks for the follow - so great to have you here!

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  7. Thank you, TruckingT! I had no idea about the 10-year rule for aliens; I suppose this means I'll have to start paying attention to the younger two (just in case).

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  8. Hehe, this is so funny. Happy Birthday!! I hope you get to enjoy the cake!

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  9. Have a fantabulous birthday!!! And remember that a birthday without cake, is like sex without an orgasm. What would be the point????

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  10. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! March babies -aren't they the best? Congrats on a decade of parenting, Mama!

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  11. Happy birthday to you and to your son!

    With enough frosting, those leftovers could TOTALLY be repurposed.

    Thanks so much for visiting my blog today :-)

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  12. Thanks, Julia - I sure did enjoy the cake! Is 4 servings of cake in one day too many?

    Keepin it Real - I hadn't thought of it that way! Well I certainly had plenty of cake...

    Missy, March babies ARE the best! Unless our other kids read this, in which case February, March, April, and December babies are all equally marvelous...

    Lavender Luz, thanks a lot! I didn't even bother with more icing - in the end, there was no hiding that it was just a mounded up pile of cake. ;)

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  13. I have one of those kids who has dared to reach the age in the blink of an eye, too! And I must admit that I have tons of trouble remembering my birthday - and my age - I still have to do the math to figure it out. Happy birthday!

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  14. euregirlsandboys, I'm glad it isn't just me! :) Thanks!

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  15. Well Happy Birthday! I am a party planning whore, apparently the opposite of you. My older daughter's birthday is Sunday and I'm in the process of decorating and planning into a pirate frenzy.

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  16. Happy birthday!!
    Oh my he WAS a tiny little morsel when he was born wasn't he? And I'm sure your hands are not that gigantic. So glad he's all grown up now and healthy. Thank God for modern science!! (-:

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  17. Happy birthday to your son! (What an itty bitty baby!)

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  18. Happy birthday to you both.

    And I made that birthday year mistake last year as well. I actually though was stupid enough to make myself older. (That's old age for you lol)

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  19. What a rollicking fun birthday post!! I like the characterizations of you , your mother, and your son here---I can see them, and more importantly I think we could probably hang and your mom would just love me (I am 100% sure about that!) and want to help set up my kids' parties too. Fun! Erin

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  20. I really enjoyed reading your post. The perfect mix of details of the event with a humorous account of everything surrounding it. And the baby/jabba the hut picture was awesome.

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  21. Jackie - good luck with the party planning! I can totally get into party planning, too, but it has to be pretty much a Perfect Storm of time and resources and patience. :) Happy bday to your daughter!

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  22. Ado - you said it! He sure was teeny (yeah, my hands are just regular sized - I think). :)

    Gia - Thank you! It's hard to believe he's SO BIG now!

    Susie - ha! I've done that too (made myself older); at least then you get the relief of realizing you're actually younger, instead of that sinking "I just effectively lost a year of my life" feeling you get from having momentarily thought you were younger. :)

    Erin - I think you could be right, especially since you seem like the type that would help with my kids' parties if I helped with yours! ;)

    Miranda - thanks for your comment! Jabba was a little blurry in that one, but I liked that she had her usual, "Mom, what the hell are you thinking?" look on her face. :)

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  23. Happy birthday! I really enjoyed this post!

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  24. happy birthday to you two! your sweet girl is the cutest jabba the hut i've ever seen!!
    p.s. your cake looks AWESOME.

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  25. Happy Birthday!

    Jabba does not look pleased. ;)

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  26. Happy Birthday Robyn! And happy birthday Jake!

    And OMG you have such a cute Jabba...er I mean, baby!!

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  27. wow! It is nice to see a preemie doing so well. They are at such risk for later issues.

    I loved your comment, "I was too young to know to be scared". So true!

    Happy Birthday!

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  28. Shalini - thanks!

    Michelle - thank you, I'm so glad! :)

    Susan - The cake looked like a disaster (by the time I got the hand-me-down leftovers) but it was still deeeelicious!

    MamaMash - thanks! Jabba is what her dad calls "particular" - she's an easy-going baby, but she's also pretty used to getting her way. :)

    Alison, thank you, thank you! Now if only Jabba didn't KNOW she was cute and use it to her advantage...

    applied - You're so right. I look back on all the things I should have been terrified about, but really I just focused on getting him home. The only problem he has is with tooth enamel (they say because of an early fever or maybe some medication he was given), which is nothing short of a miracle. :)

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  29. Happy Birthday! This is joyful. I now want cake.

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  30. Kimberly, I'd let you have some of mine but I already ate it all. :)

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  31. happy, happy birthday to you both!! {you made me breath out that other mama's out there enjoy their mom's still throwing the birthday bash! I hope this is the best 35 year ever (because the last one? totally didn't count :) )

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  32. Tara, thanks so much for the birthday wishes, and for the vote that the first 35th didn't count. :D

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  33. chocolate cake my favorite! happy birthday! :)

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    1. Mine too - looking at that picture made me hungry. :) Thanks!

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  34. nice 1 cake for 2 birthday celebrants. ;)

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