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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Monday, February 27, 2012

Where you Work (stay-at-home-mom edition)

February Photo Challenge prompt #22 was: Where you work.  I'm already breaking the rules by being nearly a week late in posting this, so I figure I might as well go ahead and use as many photos as I want instead of the one  photo called for in the challenge.  Besides, its not like there are February Photo Challenge Police running around enforcing the rules.  Right?  RIGHT????  So here it is, a peek into where I work.


Where I work, it seems I'm always cleaning up somebody else's mess.

"I find it amusing that you thought
the bib would help.  That's cute."
I can count on a smearable semi-solid being spread onto some surface, someplace in the house, at any given time.  The less stain resistant that surface is, the more likely it is that the semi-solid is ketchup or sparkly fingernail polish.

There is stuff  on every horizontal surface, and (like a desktop IN-box) every time I clear it off, more magically appears.  And when I say "stuff," I mean things I didn't even know existed a few short years ago.  Prior to having children, I never could've conjured the idea of the Lalaloopsy doll from the dredges of my worst nightmares, nor would I have guessed how much it will scare the bejeezus out of you when you unexpectedly find it staring at you in the middle of the night from atop the coffee table, with its dead little button eyes.

And talk about other people's messes - you may not believe me, but some of the people I work with refuse to keep their bodily functions private - and they're completely unapologetic about it.


My job also requires that I travel a lot.

This isn't so bad; I'll admit the commute is pretty cushy.  Plus, sometimes my coworkers bring my work to me before I've even had a chance to open my eyes in the morning.   How helpful is that?  I think it shows a lot of initiative on their parts, and it  allows me to get started tackling Big Issues and Major Projects right away, without wasting time on things like brushing my teeth or waking up.  When that happens, I know it's going to be a particularly productive day.



My coworkers regularly have egg on their face at lunch meetings, and don't even seem to notice.

"I have egg where, now?  Here?  Did I get it?
What do you mean it's in my eyebrows?"
Luckily for them, I suppose, they don't know the first thing about being embarrassed.  People with pesky traits such as Shame and Personal Standards would find it difficult to get through a day at my office.

And as for meetings, forget the boardroom and comfortable leather chairs; my meetings are taken at small plastic trays, not long, polished mahogany tables.  And I don't even bother to sit - in these hectic times everyone is multi-tasking, and I'm no exception.  While we tackle messy topics, I also address some of the Big Questions Facing Our Nation Today such as, "Why are there crayons in the dishwasher," and I conduct scientific experiments investigating how long you can soak a pan before the bottom rusts out and you can just throw it away.





We work a lot on our laptops around here.

We can't waste a moment of our valuable work day at my job; often we find that pairing up for assignments can increase our productivity.  Here, you can see that the youngest member of the team is showing great enthusiasm by working two lap tops at once, while a member of Senior Management supervises.*

*Note: Like in other places of employment, Senior Management often supervises while doing something totally unrelated to their Actual Work Duties, like watching sports... or blogging.



I attempt to keep a regular schedule, but all too often I'm interrupted and my plans are derailed.

I'm the Boss where I work, but when I organize my day and expect everyone to act as Team Players, my coworkers will frequently claim "creative differences" and make up their own set of rules (their set includes exactly zero rules, so at least it's easy to remember).

It can be next to impossible to keep everyone on task.

Most days I don't even try.


"I know I said I'd help fold the laundry,
but I didn't realize it was so much bigger than me."
Occasionally a coworker will try to tackle a project that they're not quite ready to handle, and I find myself bailing them out.

In this category I include such projects as "I've Taken My Mattress Off the Bed So I Could Jump On the Box Springs While You Get An In-Home Estimate From a Salesman For Replacing All Our Windows But Now I Can't Get the Mattress Back On the Bed and Oh Yeah Did I Mention That I'm Naked?"

You know - the usual.







Where I work there are no sick days.  The people I work with form ever-changing alliances, many of which I do not approve (Bieber, I'm looking at you).  Fattening, delicious treats left out in the open are devoured by coworkers before I can get to them.  There's always someone with their eyes on me, and the pressure's on to perform as well as I possibly can, all the time - yet the pay is absolutely terrible.

Come to think of it, I've had other jobs - in fields from finance to zoology to healthcare - and when I look back at this list, they aren't so very different from the job I have now.  Except for one thing.

Where I work now, the pay may be miserable - but the benefits are amazing.

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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


14 comments:

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!! I do the photo challenge too - posting mostly on Instagram.

    Also, as a fellow Blogger Blog Writer - I love your design. =)

    Hillary

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  2. Wow, thanks hillary! I know, I cheated on this one with so many photos, AND I broke my self-imposed Square Photos Only rule, but considering I predicted I'd give up on the whole challenge by Feb 9, I thought I'd give myself a break. :)

    And thanks for the feedback on the design, too - it means a lot to me since I did it myself, and in the process had to learn how to use Photoshop, figured out what a zip file is, and used a bunch of HTML code I've already forgotten. I'm a Computer Dummy, so I was pretty happy I managed it all without breaking the innerwebs. ;)

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  3. You'll get paid when the job is done.

    Or we can do half up front, half later, if you need a little spending money. :/

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  4. No worries, 3rdParty, I already get paid in the currency of children: bodily fluids and unwanted Halloween candy.

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  5. I love this....you have the best job in the world and your co-workers look adorable.

    I work in a similar environment and I wouldn't change it for anything,lol

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  6. I agree, Ms Bibi, I do have the best job in the world! I hadn't realized before I wrote this post how similar it is to my old Life Outside the House - but back then I couldn't wear sweats all day, so this beats it, hands down.

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  7. This is so great. Found you at finding the funny and I can't believe that with 5 kids, you can not only find the funny, but you can do it in a coherent way that makes me laugh.

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  8. Great Post! My job looks amazingly very similar :) I really loved reading this!

    Thanks for linking up :)

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  9. Thank you, Sparkling - what a nice thing to say! My husband would question you on the "coherent" part, though. ;)

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  10. Glad you liked it, Jenny - always a pleasure linking up!

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  11. This is so stinkin' cute! I love the way you talk from her perspective & I really, really love the egg in the eyebrows. Ha! (Thanks for linking up with us for "Finding the Funny" last week!)

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  12. My pleasure, Kelley. :) Yeah, "food in the eyebrow" is really a look only a baby can pull off. :)

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