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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Friday, December 23, 2011

Jesus Stopped By

As I opened the door to leave my house recently, a message fluttered to the floor.

"The World's Secret Ruler Exposed," it said.


Was this a piece of political literature distributed by a dedicated member of a candidate's campaign staff?  Was it dropped off by a well-meaning but certifiably insane conspiracy theorist?  Nope, it was from Jesus.  Apparently while I was upstairs changing a dirty diaper, Jesus (or maybe a friend of his) stopped by and left me a brochure about The End of Days (spoiler alert: the world is secretly ruled by Satan).  I knew it was the real deal because the UPS guy and teenagers selling magazine subscriptions use the front door, but this message was in the side  door, which only friends, family, and Jesus use.

I thought it was especially neighborly of Jesus to stop by now, what with preparations for his birthday surely in full swing at home (which, if I understand Christmas correctly, is the North Pole). I suppose he felt a need to strike while the iron was hot and get his sales material into people's hands while the subject of religion is fresh in their minds, what with all the lawn signs in my area urging us to "Keep Christ in Christmas."  I wish I'd heard Jesus knocking, because I'd have asked him why he doesn't submit a baby picture to the yard sign companies that looks a little less like he's bursting through someone's chest cavity รก la the movie Alien.  This sign is pretty popular around here, and I don't think it's necessarily the most flattering likeness I've ever seen.


I might also have inquired why he allows so many unsightly (okay, I'll say it - downright creepy) nativity scenes to be displayed...


...or why I never see him smiting those whose lawn decor during the holidays borders on the schizophrenic.


But of course Jesus has better things to do.  In fact, I'm willing to bet it probably was  some of his buddies and not Jesus himself who came by to visit.  I'm sure he's kept pretty busy, answering prayers from people who want to win the lottery and encouraging Brotherhood by breaking up fights between people who can't agree on whether it's more appropriate to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays."  Whichever side of that debate you're on, I hope you have a Merry Holiday.  And if you see Jesus, or Santa Clause, or whoever's responsible for my shiny new gift this year, please send him my heartfelt gratitude.




I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


1 comment:

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