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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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The Seven Stages of Winter

Because of parent/teacher conference scheduling, there was no school for the kids yesterday.  Or today.  Or tomorrow.  I had some errands to run, but we didn't even leave the house yesterday because the weather looked too icky.


In my usual fashion, I took so long to leave the house (feed the baby, get dressed, find socks for the kids because for some reason they NEVER have any in their drawer, change the baby's diaper, look up the stores' prices on the internet to find best deals, feed baby again, break up brawl between kids who are fighting like WWF wrestlers, etc) that I ended up putting it off, with the questionable weather being the deciding factor that ultimately made up my mind.  Little did I know today would be WORSE - well, actually I should have known, since my mom did warn me several days ago that it was going to snow.  But I didn't listen, because I am mired in Step 2 of...

The Seven Stages of Winter:

1) Shock and Disbelief.  "What?  Wasn't it just summer a minute ago?  It can't be winter, I still have beer cans in my yard left over from our Fourth of July cookout."


2) Denial.  "It's still fall - see, there are four trees that have a couple brown leaves left on them.  We're just having a cold snap."


3) Anger.  "The first time I'm late to work because I have to clear an unexpected overnight 7-inch snowfall off my windshield, I am absolutely going to FREAK OUT on somebody."


4) Depression.  "Ugh, four sunless months of slush-filled boots, spending three hours each day bundling the kids up for school, and people yapping incessantly about how slippery the roads are.  Why yes, I think I will have another helping of buttery mashed potatoes followed by six metric tons of chocolate to make myself feel better."  Children are immune to this stage.  They haven't properly learned to hate winter yet.


5 and 6) More Anger.  "I can't believe that the %!&$# guy who plows our street piled five feet of snow at the end of my driveway.  AGAIN!"


7) Acceptance.  This stage is a myth - no one actually accepts winter.  The closest you can come to acceptance is finding solace in the fact that your new Old Navy puffy coat will help hide the 10 pounds you put on in Stage 4.


Of course, now that the sun is up I can see that my Seasonal Panic Disorder started prematurely; despite the forecasted 70% chance of snow, it's bright and sunny outside.  Hmm.  I was actually kind of hoping to put off my errands again.  Drat.

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