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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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7 Rules For a Happy Marriage

I don't mean to brag, but I'm kind of a marriage expert.

Of course by "expert," I just mean I have a lot of experience. And by "experience," I mean I've failed miserably at marriage, I've tried to learn from my mistakes and I've enjoyed the benefits of a happy second marriage (five years so far — FINGERS CROSSED)!

The bulk of marital disagreements seem to stem from a few core issues, and disagreements in general tend to stem from a lack of compromise. Since I'm pretty well-versed at what works — and what really, really doesn't work — I figured I'd share a few essential ground rules all couples should agree on concerning these core issues, before one of you decides that the next time you find a dirty sock on the floor right next to the #$@% hamper you're going to pack your bags and burn the house down behind you.

You think I'm joking (and I am!) (sort of), but resentment can build quickly in a relationship if you're not careful. So let's meet over at momdotme to sort out these major sources of sore feelings before anyone gets all arson-y over it, in 7 Compromises All Married Couples Need To Make!

7 Compromises All Married Couples Need To Make by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV



I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


Crazy Things Your Kid Believes Are True

Admit it - when we were kids, we believed some pretty insane stuff. "OH, a tiny fairy comes in my room at night and gives me cash in exchange for my teeth? Of course she does!"

But you know what, parents? Some things never change, because our kids believe ALL THE SAME STUFF. And of course, we wouldn't have it any other way. Here's just a small sampling of the things we used to believe were true - and according to our children, still are.

20 crazy things your kids believes are true - and I bet YOU used to believe them, too! by @RobynHTV #parenting #humor

  1. Root beer is really beer.
  2. Staying up past midnight is awesome.
  3. Stripes always match stripes.
  4. Watermelon seeds grow watermelons in your stomach.
  5. All moms are named Mom.
  6. You can literally break your mom's back by stepping on a crack.
  7. Book characters can escape from the pages at night.
  8. Kissing makes babies...
  9. ...which come directly out of Mom's stomach when they're born.
  10. Stuffed animals come alive when you're not looking.
  11. Swimwear is appropriate sleepwear.
  12. When your parents drive at night, the moon follows you home.
  13. $20 is a FORTUNE.
  14. Farts are hilarious.
  15. Monsters are real.
  16. Blankets protect you from monsters.
  17. You can actually catch cooties.
  18. Chimneys are where clouds are born.
  19. You can make a color photo by taking a new picture of a black and white one.
  20. Being a grown-up is fun.
Oh, #20 is just so sad. So, 'fess up - what crazy things did YOU used to believe?


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


The Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Lady

Not too long ago, I found one of my pregnancy journals.

Never heard of a pregnancy journal? It's a book in which expecting moms document the food cravings, nightly wacky dreams and monthly torturous weigh-ins of pregnancy. In other words, it's a journal full of writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation with which pregnant ladies torment themselves for the nine months before they get to start stressing about keeping up-to-date on writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation in the baby book.

What I found in those pages made me laugh, and laugh, andlaughandlaughand laugh. Why? Stop by momdotme to read actual excerpts from the journal I kept when I was pregnant for the first time - along with my current-day commentary about how stupid I was - in my latest embarrassment: Rediscovering the Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Lady!

Funny reflections on stupid things I wrote in my first pregnancy journal! by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


Life Hacks For Parents

If you're reading this, I'll go ahead and assume you have kids, or you're at least considering getting some. That's great!

I'm sure you've been having a fabulous time as a parent so far, but — believe it or not — things could potentially get even better. Ask yourself: Are you taking full advantage of all your kids' most useful features? A quick scan of this list will help you determine if you're truly getting the most out of your offspring.

7 Life Hacks To Get the Most Out of Your Kids - hilarious but potentially useful parenting tips from Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Pop over to read my seven amazing, life-changing life hacks on momdotme that'll have you (FINALLY!) getting something of value out of your kids besides just joy, unconditional love and life fulfillment, or whatever.


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


How to Choose the Perfect Babysitter

For many people, dating becomes a thing of the past once they get married and have kids, and not just because all their money is tied up in mortgages and school fundraisers. Going out on the town simply becomes too complicated.

Gone are the days of spontaneous road trips, late nights dancing until last call, and lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed reading the paper, followed by a matinee. Maybe something with subtitles!

No, once you have kids, even slipping away to the bathroom for a shower requires three hours of strategic maneuvering and the expert distraction techniques of Houdini.

Actually leaving the house? Together? Without the children? Unlikely, at best.

However, if you do manage to plan a night out that doesn't involve kids' menus, 3D glasses, or musical numbers performed by mechanical rodents, one of the key components to a fun, relaxing evening is choosing the right babysitter.

Hilariously helpful tips for finding the perfect babysitter, in the unlikely event you ever get to leave the house. by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


Perfect babysitters are playful enough to tolerate Barbies, yet mature enough to call 911 when "Barbie" lights matches in the dollhouse fireplace. They're patient enough to help with craft projects, but authoritative enough to prevent anyone from opening the glitter. They should be responsible, trustworthy, trained in First Aid, but above all - and this is the most important thing - they should be available on the evening you want to leave the house.

If you don't have a regular sitter, ask your friends for recommendations. If you've been housebound so long that you don't have friends, you might need to interview potential sitters yourself. Personally, I haven't left the house for anything other than dental appointments in three years, so I can't tell you what to ask during these interviews. However, I do know a few things you definitely don't want them to say:

"The court says I have to show you these papers."

"Are any of these 'teddy bears' actually nanny cams?"

"I find I don't need to disciple children as much when I wear my clown costume."

"How many episodes of Walking Dead are they allowed to watch?"

"My parole officer told me I'm one of the most resourceful people he knows."

"I bring my tarantula with me everywhere I go. But don't worry, he rarely gets out of his cage."

"Should my boyfriend come in when he drops me off, or drive around the block until you leave?"

"Experience? Sure, I've sat on babies lots of times."

"I can take them to the park, but I can't promise they won't go over their RDA for bark chips and dirt."

"If I need to take a nap, I'll just tether them to my eyebrow piercing."

Good luck, daters - have a great time! Try not to think too much about what's going on at home while you're gone; I'm sure the babysitter has everything under control. Mostly. Or, maybe you should stay home instead. You were just going to talk about the kids the whole time you were out anyway.


I originally wrote this post for In The Powder Room; it is republished here with permission.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.