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Motherhood, As Told By Stock Photography

Almost every parenting article is accompanied by a stock photo, and with good reason. After all, they're well-lit, beautifully composed and capture moments that (presumably) perfectly illustrate the concepts presented in the article.

I assume we're meant to relate to the moms/models in the photos on some level, but how often do those pictures accurately represent your experiences as a mother? I see them so often online that I barely even notice them anymore, and I bet you don't either, so I decided to bring the Internet's supporting photos to the forefront for a minute.

Pop over to momdotme for the story of a typical mom's day, as told by stock photography. How well does it resemble YOUR real life?

motherhood according to stock photography - funny parenting article by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV





I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


I Want a Baby Name Do-Over

Have you ever hollered your kid's name through the back screen door because it's dark out and they were supposed to be home for dinner 20 minutes ago (or maybe because they're wearing headphones and can't hear you holler that dinner's ready even though you're only two inches away from their face) and thought to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking when I picked this name? Also, what does this kid have against dinner?!?"

I happen to love all my kids' names, but I almost wasn't so lucky. My first child came three months premature, and although there'd been much name-related deliberation during the first two trimesters, we hadn't yet chosen The Best Name Ever. On the day he was born, under intense pressure from one of those nurses with the Social Security forms who was clearly trained by SWAT interrogation experts, we hastily settled on the name that most often hovered toward the top of the baby name list—a name that later proved to be more common than the acronym "WTF."

It turned out fine—after all, my stacks of baby name books assured me that boys thrive with more common names! However, recently I've started thinking all my children could benefit from from a little creative sprucing up in the name department.

baby name do-over by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Because, without a doubt, the most challenging part of parenthood is choosing a name.

Sure, some people will tell you that the hardest part is getting a baby to sleep through the night, or that sending a child off for the first day of kindergarten is the absolute worst, or that the duration of a preteen's pubescence is like a horrible waking death. But deep down, everyone knows that the struggle to pick a name trumps all those hurdles. No contest.

Think about it. Your baby's name will follow him around for his entire life. He'll hear it every single day. A name helps define how your child sees himself, and will immediately affect how other people perceive him. On top of that, it's all but impossible to change later.

What other single decision you make as a parent carries that kind of weight? The pressure!

As parents, we search for names that are equally suitable for a business person, an artist, or an admiral in the Navy—after all, we don't want to limit our angel's options! We carefully consider the spelling, ensuring it's neither too boring nor impossible to pronounce. Will it conjure up any negative assumptions when seen on a resume? Will it inspire a rhyming nickname that'll be chanted on the playground until your darling babe is inflicted with irreparable psychological damage? Is it too feminine? Too masculine? Does the monogram inadvertently spell out something dirty?

As much as I love the first/middle name combos I find myself screaming daily from the bottom of the stairs when my children refuse to come down for breakfast in an even remotely timely fashion, I must admit I'm a little jealous of the artistic license I see being taken with celebrity babies' names. Indiana August Affleck? Sage Moonblood Stallone? Moxie Crimefighter Jillette? FUN!

I can't help thinking that, if I could just get a baby name do-over, I could pick some names that are even better for my sweet little cherubs than the ones they already have. So, here are a few options from my (updated, but way belated) baby name wish list:

Hoops Galore Welling: Destined for athletic stardom.

Max Velocity Welling: Please—that's just badass.

Langston Pennyweather Welling: How could this kid not be rich? Will he get beat up a lot? Yes. But also, he'll be rich.

Wittle Winnie Wynter Welling: SO PRECIOUS!

Paddox Seven Welling: I bet Angelina Jolie would adopt Paddox7 (alternate spelling) before I was even finished pushing him out.

DoritosPowerade AppleGoogle Welling: Perfect for a corporate sponsorship—and my early retirement.

Efinsgove Hosfutt Welling: I just made that up by typing with my eyes closed. But after doing some research, I'm pretty sure that's how most celebrity baby names get picked, anyway.

Hmm, I suppose I'll just stick with my kids' regular old non-celebrity real people names for now. But what about you? What would you rename your kid if you had the chance?

A version of this article originally appeared on In The Powder Room and is republished with permission.


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


Headlines From Every Mom's Trip To a Restaurant

funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Did you hear that Hillary Clinton stopped to eat at a Chipotle in Ohio last week? Of course you did; you can't swing a burrito bowl around the Internet these days without seeing an article about it.

What's the big deal, you ask? Oh, it's quite newsworthy according to every news outlet on the planet taking time to investigate all aspects of ChipotleGate; from the political strategy behind her apparent attempts to avoid being recognized (Sunglasses! Crafty!) to the campaign implications of Hillary carrying her own tray, no salsa packet has been left unturned in the public's insatiable need to talk about something other than bikini bodies for a few minutes.

Some might say the Web should calm down—after all, it's only lunch! But moms tend to disagree; every mother ends up feeling scrutinized at restaurants at some point or another, and whether it's because you're a presidential candidate or because your toddler is having a Level Five meltdown over french fries, nobody likes to be the center of attention while they're trying to eat. Who wouldn't love a little anonymity the next time they go out?

Anyway, it's lucky most moms aren't famous enough to warrant 874 Google search results when we stop to grab some fast food, because I can imagine what the headlines would be.

funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


  • Mother Spends Entire Meal Hissing at Child to 'Get Up Off That Filthy Floor'
  • Child, Age 6, Too Busy Coloring Menu to Select Entree
  • Local Eatery Believes Five Napkins Fulfills Mom's Request For "A LOT of Napkins"
  • Distressed Mother Reports, 'If I'd known they were going to order nuggets, we'd have just stayed home'
  • Disaster Befalls Teen Seen Eating With Parents by Peers
  • The Intense Planning Behind Lunch Involving Squirming Toddler, Revealed!
  • EXCLUSIVE: Mom Describes Casual Dining as "Expensive Opportunity to Cut Child's Food Up in New and Exciting Location"
  • Study Shows Booth Seat-Kicking Is Leading Cause of Mothers' Restaurant Apologies
  • Attempts to Strap Baby Into Horrible Wooden Restaurant High Chair Becomes 3-Hour Ordeal
  • Informal Poll Names 'Anywhere But Home' as Best Place For Child to Discover the Joy of Blowing Milk Bubbles
  • WATCH As Mom Fails to Convince Child That Restaurant's Mac and Cheese Is Not Like the Kind at Home
  • Parents, Embarrassed But Starving, Able to Consume Food Only While Toddler Converses With Strangers at Next Table
  • Lidless Cup Given To Toddler Results In Literally Everyone, Everywhere Getting Drenched
  • Mom and Dad Suddenly Remember Why They Don't Do This More Often


photo credit: Camera smile! via photopin (license)

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


How Pinterest-Perfect Are YOUR Kids' Parties?


Whether you go all out or keep things pretty basic when birthdays roll around at home, it's impossible to ignore the trend—kids' parties are getting increasingly elaborate these days.

As a mom whose idea of decorating a cake involves sprinkling powdered sugar in the shape of the birthday child's age, resulting in THIS cake-tastrophe when he blew out the candles, you can probably guess where I stand.


To each her own, though, right? Hopefully we can all agree that there's no right or wrong way to show our kids we care, so while not everyone has the knack (or time or money or desire) to make each year's birthday a bash to remember for the ages, lots of moms are loving the chance to create lavish celebrations for their kids' big days.

While Inspiration boards abound with fodder for Pinterest Moms to plan their parties, "Regular Moms" roll differently. We prefer the "retro" birthdays of our youths—birthdays from a simpler time, a gentler time, a time when planning a kid's party took roughly the amount of effort required to whip up a boxed cake mix. Here's a side-by-side glimpse into the lives of a Pinterest Mom and a Regular Mom:

Theme

Pinterest Mom: Decide on an age-appropriate theme tied to child's current interests or favorite TV show.

Regular Mom: Look in the pantry for leftover party supplies; convince yourself that your tween son would love the same Butterfly Bonanza paper plates you used for your 7-year-old daughter's last birthday.

Guest List

Pinterest Mom: Send calligraphy-laden invitations to everyone in the child's class and their entire soccer team.

Regular Mom: Text an invitation to the moms of the three friends you actually like.

See more funny comparisons on momdotme in Birthday Parties: Pinterest Mom vs. Regular Mom, and tell me—which mom are YOU?

Kids' Birthday Parties: Pinterest Mom vs. Regular Mom by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV




I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


How To Have a Happy Marriage in 9 Easy Steps

Oh, come on now, you've done it too.

You're surfing around the Web, minding your own business, and a link catches your eye. You quickly glance around to make sure no one's looking—you don't want to give anyone the wrong idea or anything—and when you're sure you have some privacy, you click. Hey, it's not as if you don't have a happy home life! But curiosity gets the best of you...

No, people, I'm not talking about p-horn. Shame on you for even thinking that. I'm talking about marital advice!

I consider myself extremely happily married, but that doesn't mean I won't check out the articles that occasionally drift through my Facebook feed offering advice on maintaining a well-balanced, satisfying relationship. After all, there's no reason you shouldn't try to improve on a good thing, right?

I've seen a ton of those posts lately though, and I have to say I'm usually a bit disappointed when I click through. Google it for yourself and you'll see, most of the articles you find repeat the same tired old obvious marital platitudes: "make time to be together," "remember to make time for yourself," "keep the romance alive," and so on and so on.

These are all great ideas, but they're also the kind of intuitive tips that most 14-year-olds with some common sense could probably come up with. So stop over at momdotme to see what I (a self-proclaimed expert... with a 14-year-old's sense of humor) have to say when it comes to realistic advice for having a happy marriage!

9 Realistic Tips for a Happy Marriage article by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!