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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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QUIZ: Why is your baby crying?

I thought I'd do a little something different today!

No, not shower - very funny, though.

No, today I thought we'd take a helpful, informative, scientific quiz! Sort of.

QUIZ Why Is Your Baby Crying by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV
In my defense, before you call CPS because I took pictures of my baby
while she was crying, I have to point out that
only a person who'd never spent time with babies would call CPS over that.

One of the hardest things about parenting is figuring out why on earth your child is crying. Unfortunately I can't help you with your sobbing teens (though my guess is their crying has something to do with peers, because teens' peers are other teens, and teens are notorious for making other teens cry), but I just might be able to help you with your baby.

Babies, in case you haven't noticed, cry. A LOT. But they also don't know any words yet, so it's up to you to figure out what their major malfunction is, in hopes you can make them stop crying, please, for the love of all that's holy.

The nice thing about babies though, besides the way their heads smell, is that they want you to make them happy again (unlike those teens, who often prefer to sulk in their rooms). So even when you might be too close to the brink of parental insanity to notice after listening to an infant's wailing for what feels like an eternity, they are giving you subtle clues about what their everloving problem is.

Now, through the magic of the internet and me figuring out how to create online quizzes (assuming this one works), you can easily figure out why your baby is crying just by answering a few simple questions. Go ahead, give it a try!



I sure hope that helped, or at least distracted you from your baby screaming her face off for a few minutes. Good luck, moms and dads!


Hey, that quiz site is cool, but it gave me the option to collect your email at the end as a condition of getting your quiz results. That seemed icky to me - I hate it when I get the old bait-and-switch - but that won't stop me from pointing out that you COULD sign up/follow/like me via these links below! ↓↓↓ You know, if you wanted to. NO PRESSURE.


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.


Your Complete Guide To Parenting Screw-Ups: Sports Edition

Your Complete Guide To Parenting Screw-Ups: Sports Edition by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Last week I went and completely lost my mind.

See, I have a confession to make - none of my kids participate in team sports. I KNOW, I'm stifling their team-building skills and their innate childlike love of motion and their ability to obtain lucrative college athletic scholarships someday.

But when it came down to it, my kids would always rather just stay at home and chill after school and on the weekends, and because ME TOO, I've never pushed the issue.

However, a flier recently came home from school about volleyball. Normally, I would cram this gently into the recycling bin next to the cheerleading tryout form and the soccer signup sheet, but something made me set this one aside. I tentatively asked my 9-year-old daughter, "Was volleyball something you wanted to try?"

I watched her reaction carefully; she tends to assign the same amount of immediate, explosive enthusiasm to the prospect of selecting a treat from the dentist's treasure box as she would to, say, a Disney vacation, but I've learned over the years how to carefully discern the likelihood that she'll still be enthusiastic after I've paid the admission fee/dental copay.

But volleyball was, in fact, something she wanted to try, so off to the sign-up clinic we went.

By the way, when your child shows interest in a sport, here's something you should know: the sport itself is only 0.0000000001% of what they're actually interested in.
Top 10 Reasons Kids Are Excited About Playing Sports by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


Reasons Your Kid Is ACTUALLY Excited About Playing Sports:

  1. Fancy knee socks/sparkly leotard
  2. Anticipation over what color the team jersey will be
  3. Snacks
  4. Permission to kick and hit things
  5. Practice = guaranteed playdate with their friends
  6. New shoes
  7. Did I mention snacks?
  8. No need to yell, "LOOK AT ME!" - everyone's already looking
  9. Casually mentioning new Special Activity in front of siblings every two minutes
  10. Maybe we'll get pizza after the game


But anyway, signing her up for volleyball isn't the reason I say I've lost my mind. The moment I actually went certifiably insane was when I VOLUNTEERED TO COACH THE TEAM.

I have never played a team sport in any kind of organized fashion, unless you count 4,000 afternoons of Red Rover during the summers of my youth, let alone coached a team sport. Aside from gym class, my experience with volleyball consists of a few couples' games I played in my mid-twenties; as I recall, I did not contribute significantly to any points that may have been scored on my side of the net.

In a show of solidarity and proof that crazy might be contagious, equally intoxicated by the scent of rubber safety mats and the prospect of Empowering Girls With Awesome Sportiness, my husband decided to coach, too. So, what I'm saying is, either this will be the most epically amazing family bonding experience of all time, or none of us will survive the first practice.

We'll see.

In the meantime, I wrote this handy decision tree to help you determine if coaching your kid's team is right for you - I hope it helps!

Good luck, and see you on the field! Court? Mats? I don't even know. We're screwed.

Decision Tree: should you coach your kid's team? By Robyn Welling @RobynHTV #funny


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.


7 Rules For a Happy Marriage

I don't mean to brag, but I'm kind of a marriage expert.

Of course by "expert," I just mean I have a lot of experience. And by "experience," I mean I've failed miserably at marriage, I've tried to learn from my mistakes and I've enjoyed the benefits of a happy second marriage (five years so far — FINGERS CROSSED)!

The bulk of marital disagreements seem to stem from a few core issues, and disagreements in general tend to stem from a lack of compromise. Since I'm pretty well-versed at what works — and what really, really doesn't work — I figured I'd share a few essential ground rules all couples should agree on concerning these core issues, before one of you decides that the next time you find a dirty sock on the floor right next to the #$@% hamper you're going to pack your bags and burn the house down behind you.

You think I'm joking (and I am!) (sort of), but resentment can build quickly in a relationship if you're not careful. So let's meet over at momdotme to sort out these major sources of sore feelings before anyone gets all arson-y over it, in 7 Compromises All Married Couples Need To Make!

7 Compromises All Married Couples Need To Make by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV



I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.


Crazy Things Your Kid Believes Are True

Admit it - when we were kids, we believed some pretty insane stuff. "OH, a tiny fairy comes in my room at night and gives me cash in exchange for my teeth? Of course she does!"

But you know what, parents? Some things never change, because our kids believe ALL THE SAME STUFF. And of course, we wouldn't have it any other way. Here's just a small sampling of the things we used to believe were true - and according to our children, still are.

20 crazy things your kids believes are true - and I bet YOU used to believe them, too! by @RobynHTV #parenting #humor

  1. Root beer is really beer.
  2. Staying up past midnight is awesome.
  3. Stripes always match stripes.
  4. Watermelon seeds grow watermelons in your stomach.
  5. All moms are named Mom.
  6. You can literally break your mom's back by stepping on a crack.
  7. Book characters can escape from the pages at night.
  8. Kissing makes babies...
  9. ...which come directly out of Mom's stomach when they're born.
  10. Stuffed animals come alive when you're not looking.
  11. Swimwear is appropriate sleepwear.
  12. When your parents drive at night, the moon follows you home.
  13. $20 is a FORTUNE.
  14. Farts are hilarious.
  15. Monsters are real.
  16. Blankets protect you from monsters.
  17. You can actually catch cooties.
  18. Chimneys are where clouds are born.
  19. You can make a color photo by taking a new picture of a black and white one.
  20. Being a grown-up is fun.
Oh, #20 is just so sad. So, 'fess up - what crazy things did YOU used to believe?


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.


The Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Lady

Not too long ago, I found one of my pregnancy journals.

Never heard of a pregnancy journal? It's a book in which expecting moms document the food cravings, nightly wacky dreams and monthly torturous weigh-ins of pregnancy. In other words, it's a journal full of writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation with which pregnant ladies torment themselves for the nine months before they get to start stressing about keeping up-to-date on writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation in the baby book.

What I found in those pages made me laugh, and laugh, andlaughandlaughand laugh. Why? Stop by momdotme to read actual excerpts from the journal I kept when I was pregnant for the first time - along with my current-day commentary about how stupid I was - in my latest embarrassment: Rediscovering the Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Lady!

Funny reflections on stupid things I wrote in my first pregnancy journal! by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.